It's Gotta Be You

-44-

We were back on the tour bus, heading to New York, and we were already hitting traffic. 

This of course wouldn't be a problem if I wasn't being gifted by mother nature herself. We would drive for a few moments then come to a hard stop. 

I was sitting on the couch, holding my sides in pain. We couldn't even get to a place for Midol, because of the stupid traffic. 

I groaned as we came to another stop. I felt the couch dip, and I hoped that it was just something be tossed there. Every time I get bad periods, I turn into this overly clingy monster towards whoever will let me use them as a pillow. 

"Gracie?"

I pulled the blanket off of my head to see Niall sitting beside me "Yes?"

"Are you okay? The lads and I can hear you groaning from the front"

I shifted over and put my head in his lap, muttering.

"What's wrong?" he asked, running his fingers through my hair "Are you sick?"

Niall had never seen me this bad, because up until this point my periods had been pretty manageable. 

"No, being sick is easier to deal with"

"Do you need me to get something?"

"No" I said, cuddling more in his lap "Just stay here with me"

"Sure thing, love" he chuckled.

I took his other hand and started playing with  it.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm bored, so I'm playing with your hand"

He chuckled "And using me as a pillow"

"I don't see you complaining"

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" he asked.

I sat up, keeping the blanket wrapped around myself "You really haven't guessed it yet?"

He shrugged.

"I'm on my period, Niall"

He quickly nodded "I see; are you sure you don't need anything to fix it?"

"I have Fallopian tubes, not plumbing tubes. There isn't much you can do to fix it"

"Sorry" he muttered "Are you really in a lot of pain?"

"I just need like a really big pillow"

He smiled and opened his arms "Bring it in, you know you want to"

I moved closer, quickly cuddling into his chest. I enjoyed when he held me like this "This is nice"

"Isn't it?" he started rubbing small circles on my back "How long do the bad ones last?"

"About five days, at the most"

It was quiet for about five minutes, before Niall snicked "So five days, eh?"

"Oh hush, you"

These types of periods were much easier to handle when I was asleep. If I was asleep I wouldn't feel the pain, so my current goal was to take a much deserved nap.

I could feel myself falling asleep when the door opened. I pretended to be asleep, because I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone else.

"I came to see if everything was alright, but uh, clearly it is" Liam said, disappointment in his tone.

"Things are fine, she's just having a bad time of the month" Niall said, with a small laugh.

Liam chuckled "She looks like she's in good hands"

Good hands? What was he referring to?

"What are you talking about?"

"You two just look pretty cozy together; I thought you might be"

"No, Liam, we're not"

Maybe I shouldn't have pretended to be asleep.

"Look, Niall, you don't have to lie to me just to spare my emotions. If looks like she's content"

Niall sighed "She's asleep and not in pain; if I were her, I'd probably look pretty content too"

Liam quit being stupid.

"It's fine; I'm happy for you two" Liam said, closing the door"

Niall let out another sigh "Gracie, you can wake up now"

Did he know that I was faking?

"Come on, I know you're awake"

I groaned and sat up "Are we there yet?" I stretched and faked a yawn.

"Gracie"

"Sorry"

"You still have feelings for Liam, that's a given. Is it because I'm not good enough?"

My eyes widened "Is that how I make you feel, like you're not good enough?"

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair "Sometimes, yeah"

It felt like my heart stopped. I made him feel less of himself? I know he gets a lot of negative things said to him about how he doesn't deserve to be in One Direction, and a bunch of other lies, but to know that I made him feel this way; that I caused him pain. I didn't know what to say. 

"Gracie?" 

I took a deep breath and looked up at him "I never meant to do that"

He nodded "I know you didn't, but it just feels like I don't stand a chance next to Liam" 

"Niall" I said, unable to continue. 

"See right now would be the time you tell me, I'm wrong. Hopefully?" he questioned. 

I felt my eyes watering and a lump grow in my chest "I can't force myself to not like someone" I 

"Someone being Liam?" 

I looked down and he nodded.

"Do I even have a chance?" 

"Niall, you know I like you" I said, taking his hand, but he pushed it away. 

"Just not enough to get over Liam?" he asked. 

I let some tears fall and looked back down. 

Niall stood up and walked over to the door "Look I like you a lot and Liam is like my brother, but he hasn't done anything to prove himself worthy of another chance, while I've been beating my brains out trying to be even remotely close to perfection like precious Liam, but it's hard. And it hurts knowing I will never be close enough to gain your love because you're still so hung up on him. Face it Gracie, he's not getting back with you!" he said, yelling and left the room, slamming the door. 

I sat there, letting the tears fall. I wasn't sure what I was crying over the. The hope that he was just saying it to get a rise over me, or that he was right. Liam wasn't getting back with me. Niall wanted to be with me and was constantly trying to prove it. But here I was denying him any chance, because my heart belonged to someone else. 

It wasn't fair to anyone. It wasn't fair to Niall. 

I was a horrible person for doing that to him, but between the hormones of this stupid period and all from what just happened, I just wanted to crawl into a ball and cry myself to sleep. 

Life wasn't supposed to be perfect, but that didn't mean it had to remind me it was a pain in the ass as much as if did.  

I pulled the blanket up to my neck, letting it wrap around my body and put my head on the pillow and just stared at the window. in an hour I would be in New York.

 An old home to me and maybe it would finally shed some light on the dark surrounding me now.