It's Gotta Be You

-54-

I sat on my bed, playing my guitar and looking at my songbook. I smiled, seeing the song that Liam and I had written together.

I had never put it all together and I wanted to remember this song as something good.

(Play video)

Somewhere there's a sea that has no other side
Somewhere there's an airplane lost, beyond the sky
So fly us up above the clouds
Live your life where you are now

In the darkness 'round the sun
There's light behind your eyes
When you've lost the will to run
You can feel it start to shine
When the rain falls down so hard
And you don't know where to start
Drowning in the sun

Somewhere, someone thinks they've found the perfect love
And you think you've found the answer to all of this
So hang on
Sometimes we miss
I'll be your perfect kiss

In the darkness 'round the sun
There's light behind your eyes
When you've lost the will to run
You can feel it start to shine
When the rain falls down so hard
And you don't know where to start
Drowning in the sun
Drowning in the sun
Drowning in the sun  

I stopped singing and opened my eyes, seeing Niall there leaning against the door frame. 

I quickly put my guitar down "Um what are you doing?"

"Tuning in to another great song" he said, smiling at me. 

"It's not that great" 

He sighed and took a seat on my bed "Gracie it really is. I like songs like that, that you write. It's real and has kind of an indie sound to it. It really suits your voice"  

I lightly smiled "So do I, but I need to be more pop" 

"Well I'm sure you can sneak some on to your next album" he said. 

I smiled up at him and he smiled back. 

"Are you feeling better?" he asked, reminding me of sound check today. 

I nodded even though I was feeling the exact opposite. 

"Good, because you shouldn't let nerves get the best of you. You're too good to get nervous" he said, tucking some of my hair behind my ear "I have a surprise for you after the concert" he said. 

I looked up, not with a smile, but with no emotion "What?" 

"I just want to ask you something" he said. 

"You can't ask now?" I asked, worried I might know what it would be. 

"Nope, it's too special and I've been planning this for almost a month now" he said, smiling. 

I forced a smile "Really, a month?"

He nodded "I had to make it perfect" 

The permanent lump in my throat became more noticeable, making me feel like I was going to be sick right there.

"Just think before you do anything"

He shook his head "There's nothing to think about anymore, and it's something that I should have already done" he smiled "You've given me more chances than I deserve"

My stomach tightened.

I had my theories on what he was going to do, and it hurt so much knowing that his mind was probably going to change as soon as he saw me perform.

He took my hand "Honestly, it's something I should have done shortly after we kissed for the first time"

This was going to go downhill quickly.

"Niall"

"I just hope that I haven't already lost my chance"

He wanted to officially be with me, and he plans on asking me about it. His mind will change though when he hears that I still love Liam.

His expression changed as he wiped some tears away. I didn't even know that I was crying, but it seemed to be a frequent thing at this point.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing; I um, I just can't wait for tomorrow"

Lies. All of it. If I could stay here forever, I would. I do not want to move forward, and I don't give a damn if that made me a coward. I'd rather be coward than perform that song.

"I can't wait either" he said, inching his way closer to me.

He gently kissed me and I didn't react. How was I supposed to react anyway?

"One last kiss before tomorrow" he said, before leaving me alone in my room.

I stared at the wall for what seemed like hours, before pulling out my songbook and doing what I do best.

Writing my emotions instead of actually dealing with them like a normal person. 

I felt like a horrible person. How could I sit back and let him think that tomorrow was going to be this great day when it was going to crash and burn horribly?

Maybe I deserved everything that was going to happen. If I was going to just sit back and let them live this fantasy that everything was fine, when it so clearly wasn't, then I deserved to be hated by them.