Shudder

28

Two days passed and in those two days not much had happened. I had decided against going to school after the whole Roman mishap and I trained harder now with Luke who didn't make many comments or ask questions. I avoided Roman for the past two days and thought things over, he didn't make it hard though -- in fact he was incredibly understanding and left me to myself, assuming I'd come to him if he was needed. I knew he was hurting though, I seen his eyes on me, the regret swirling in them and the pain of if he lost me. However, I still continued with my choice of staying away.

While I was away I visited Sarah and Holden often. I had explained to them what had happened and how Roman claimed he loved me, but I didn't understand how completely. They told me it made perfect sense, especially if you're a Lupus and that all of Roman's reasons were good ones. He wanted me as his life partner, they said, and he had made up his mind long ago. They told me if I accepted him and continued with our small relationship, I would soon understand everything.

Some part of me thought they were lying or just saying some of those things to get me to make up with Roman, but if I gazed into their eyes closely I seen seriousness lingered there. I often left feeling more confused than before because they never really told me much good -- I would have to figure things out and give it a try before I'd really know.

During the times I wasn't with Luke or the Elders, I found myself searching for Garrett and Chloe's little girl, Lilith. The day after Roman told me everything, I had sought the girl out remembering my promise to let her braid my hair. I fell in love with her instantly after our time spent of her weaving my hair in rather intricate braids for someone so young and often came back when not busy. Chloe and Garrett enjoyed it because they had their time off for an hour or two to do whatever they wished.

And if I wasn't out with any of those pack members, I was in my room thinking everything through carefully about Roman and I. I knew I had feelings for him and wanted our relationship to stick, but the fact he already loved me was hard to come by, yet I knew -- if we worked through this -- that I'd probably love him, too.

So on the third morning, in which I'd woke with the haunting memory from my past mixed in with Cole being in it and killed too, I'd decided I needed to fix things up with Roman. I hadn't had hardly any nightmares since arriving in Yorik's pack, but today I had and it worried me. I felt the need to train harder and learn more of the pack as well as just..being with Roman. I wanted our relationship and I had slowly accepted what he said.

I'd dressed in shorts and a tank top knowing my body would sweat to death despite the fall weather when I trained with Luke and found Lilith who quickly braided up my hair, happy to help me. Once all that was settled I stalked into the kitchen, the 'witches' glaring at me, though it seemed Annalise and Yorik had talked with their daughter who didn't seem to hold so much heat behind her glare. All the same, I ignored them and spotted the very person I was looking for seated at the bar.

My heart clenched and my stomach seemed to drop as I took in Roman's rough state. It seemed today he hadn't bothered to get dressed-- he wore the same shirt as yesterday, wrinkled, paired with plaid pajama pants and his hair was disheveled. He had stubble lining his face and bags under his eyes and his whole face seemed completely devoid of emotion. He was slumped over the bar, clutching at a cup of what smelled like tea, but he hadn't even drank a drop. Instead he simply stared into the murky tea depths forlorn-like.

This was my fault, I seemed to cause his disastrous state. But now I was determined to make things right. I wanted this, I wanted him and I was prepared to move things forward because something deep inside said so.

"Roman?" I said softly, laying my hand gently against his warm arm.

He jerked, sloshing tea onto the bar and cursing a bit. He grabbed napkins and immediately began soaking up the tea mess. Satisfied he'd collected up the mess, he sank back down on the stool and turned towards me. I sucked in a light breath as his once vibrant blue eyes were now a dull, almost navy blue.