Ask Magnus Chase

Jack's Slave

So, Skywatcher_68 's back. Remember them from the evil dares earlier? They're back.
The dare was...
I dare you to obey Jacks every command for at least a day. After a day, until you die but a few rules.
1. You have to let him know.
2. You cannot arrange your death.
3. Your death has to be purely accidental
4. EVERYTHING he says, you have to do.
I've been trying to put this dare off by just not telling him, but then he went and got a wattpad. The bastard. So now I gotta go and do this dare. (That's Alex, saying that I should report this account for cruelty to animals. I...think I should be offended?)

Jack: *tapping my computer with his blade*
Me: *wakes up*: Mbleurgh what are you doing?
Jack: My slave, huh?
Me: *falls out of bed* ALEX?
Alex *appears in doorway and flashes peace sign* wassup f*ckers, my pronouns are she and her today get your ass outa bed.
Jack: uh uh! Only I get to tell him what to do! Magnus, get out of bed and kiss Alex.
Me *gets up and walks towards Alex*
Alex: Come and get me!
Jack: Chase Alex and kiss her!
Me *chases Alex. Can't find her. Goes into her room.*
Alex *as a pig*: OINK
Me: Okay, can we just pretend that I kissed you?
Jack: NOPE! KISS ALEX!
Me *picks up the pig*
Alex *licks her lips and bends in*
Me *kisses the pig*
Alex *turns into a wolf half way through*
Me: AAH!!
Alex *back as a human*: I wasn't that bad!
Me *tries to stumble out the door*
Jack *pokes my belly*
Me: I need food!
Jack: You want food, senor. There's a difference. Remember when I had a date night with Riptide that I was late for and we were fighting that monster and you told me that I wanted to see my girlfriend instead of needed?
Me: I knew that would come back to haunt me
Jack: instead of food, you're going to listen to my song for Singing Sword's Got Talent, and then help me set up one of those YouTube things and record it once I've gotten it really good.
Jack *gets a cat and slowly kills it. Oh. Wait. That was him singing. It's hard to tell the difference sometimes.*

Spoiler alert - it was an hour and a half medley of Beyoncé songs. An hour. And. A. Half. We uploaded it to YT, and I turned off the comments. DO NOT SEARCH IT UP.

Jack: Now that I'm famous, you can go and...*checks Wattpad* great idea. Steal Hearth's scarf.
Alex: OH FOR GOD'S SAKES. MAGNUS IF YOU DO THAT, I WILL KILL YOU!
Me: I GOTTA!
Alex: IF YOU DO THAT, I'LL BREAK UP WITH YOU
Me: PLEASE JACK!
Jack: Scarf. Now.
Me: NO! I'VE BEEN CLEAN FOR TWO WEEKS! I'M NOT HAVING A RELAPSE!
Alex: JACK, I SWEAR TO GOD.
Jack: FINE!! *stares up at screen*. I'm not allowed to. Magnus, get a plate of falafel
Me *runs to the Feast Hall and gets a plate of falafel*
Jack: Feed the falafel to Alex and don't eat it yourself.
Alex: of for the love of-
Alex *runs*
Me *crying* COME BACK
Alex *turns into bear*
Alex: BEAR! NOT! EAT! FALAFEL!
Me: i hate my terrifying dragon sometimes
Me *mashes falafel into his mouth*
Alex: MMRRRRAAAGH!! *turns back into human*
Alex: I would be mad, but that's bloody good falafel. Boop!
Me: Did you just...
Alex: What?
Me: nothing.

In the end, Jack made me kiss TJ, write an ode of love to Hunding, kill Alex without getting killed myself, and post a video saying how stupid I was. Then it was filing and polishing his blade, cleaning his handle, bringing his girlfriend to him (Annabeth met me at the half-way point with Riptide), and then stand guard outside and never repeat what I heard - namely his pickup lines and a lot of clanging. The worst part of this dare was the next day, when the minimum time period had worn off.