Jack: HOLA MAGNUS, WAKE UP!
Me *is outside on the ground, my hair mussed up.*
Me: What time is it?
Jack: I don't know. Get me a hot chocolate.
Me: You don't have a mouth, Jack.
Jack: Yeah, but I like to make my point all hot and roast marshmallows sometimes.
Me *being real*: Alex buys them off you, doesn't... HOW EARLY IS THIS? SHE/HE/THEY HAVEN'T COME AND SCREAMED PRONOUNS AT ME
Alex *hurtling out of room* SHE/HER, FUCKERS! I WAS SLEEPING!
Me *almost in tears*: How early is it?
Alex: Like, three in the morning?
Jack *taps blade on door*: Hot chocolate? Sometimes this year please!
Me *drags myself out. It takes forever to find decent hot chocolate at three in the morning, and avoid all the idiots who's just love to kill me or kidnap me, because they're high or drunk or creepy*
Me *comes back with hot chocolate*
Jack *is in pendant form and asleep*
Me *drinks hot chocolate and goes to sleep*
Jack: WAKE UP, SLACKER!
Me: foooodd...
Alex *is standing over me*
Alex: What he said. She/her, fuckers. And midday. Battle time. Let's go.
Me: I'm in pyjamas! I'll be killed in seconds! Actually on second thoughts...
Me: Let's go!
AT THE BATTLEFIELD. IM WEARING A BRIGHT YELLOW NIGHTY. ALEX HAS GARY WRAPPED AROUND HER HAND.
Me: I never thought I'd say this, but I can't wait to die.
Mallory: What happens when you die?
Me: I'm released from a bond of servitude to Jack.
Halfborn: ha, I guess that isn't much fun.
Jack: MAGNUS! Take me over to that redhead and introduce me to his cute weapon.
Me: Oh gee whizz, why wouldn't I love this. Just what I'd always wanted, to be my own swords main wingman matchmaker bitch.
Alex *stifles a laugh*
Me *walks over to the eight foot tall redhead.*: hey, bro.
Redhead probably called Erik or Eric or Erick: sup.
Me: listen, I need to introduce my sword to your mace.
Eric/Erik/Erick: WHAT!?
Me *realising that he thought I said face*: oh fuck.
Eric/Erik/Erick *swings the mace at me*
Jack: HEYGIRLYOUWANTDINNERSOMETIME? COULDYOUPOINTMEINTHEDIRECTIONOFTHEBATTLEIM LOSTINYOUREYES?
Eric/Erik/Erick *dies*
Mace *falls to the ground*
Jack *gasp*: She winked at me!
Alex *calmly cleaning the blood off Gary*: dude. You have a girlfriend. And no eyes.
Me: why didn't you let him kill me!?
Alex *winks at my sword.*
Me *GASP*
Someone: LET THE BATTLE BEGIN!!! KILL....EACH OTHER!!!!
Warrior one: DIE, iDiOtS!!!
Me *charges*: RRRRAAAAGH!!
Warrior one *dies*
Me *sees the knives in his chest*: MAL!!
Mallory: what?
Warrior Three *charges me holding an axe*: MMMRRRRAAAAGH!!
Alex: TJ!
TJ *leaps in front of the axe. He is sliced in half.*
Alex *beheads Warrior three*
Me: jUsT lEt Me DiE!
Alex: No! We love you!
Halfborn *kills two warriors*
Jack *sings Beyoncé*
Me *accidentally tries to trip into Garry's wire*
Alex *whips him out of the way*
Me *makes a break for it, throwing jack aside*
Alex+Mal+Halfborn+Jack: NOOOOOOOOO
Warrior Four *slowmotion*: RRRAAAAGH!! *kills me*
CUE THE EPIC VIOLINS AS JACK SCREAMS
Finally. Done. Fuck you, Jack.
YOU ARE READING
Ask Magnus Chase
FanfictionBasically, ask me anything. Opinions, dares, anything. I'll post my response, and try not to just eat falafel. #1 askmeanything #8 askme
