if you are broken, you don't have to stay broken. — selena gomez.
creating a knot inside my mind infused with thoughts i cannot fathom. cannot make connections of. cannot reason. paralysing my body in rest as my eyes hurt with no sleep. no sleep. dark circles under my eyes but no sleep. but somehow. in this turmoil. in this everlasting chaos of life that will last. because if we don't want a fucking problem in life, you can kill yourself. easy. rest in peace.
a de-stress zen mandala colouring book. colouring in while the winds of model town park embrace me. its a beautiful windy day today. the kind of weather i live for. a sketch book. pencils. and doodles. doodling until my hands are numb. learning a new language. learning three. beautiful phrases. catchphrases. tech skills. riding a bike. driving a car without lisence. drinking robbiya and getting zam zam. reviving bittersweet memoirs. mostly sweet. because the bitter can go screw itself. a soft paw. of a beautiful innocent cat. the first thing in the mornings i see curled up beside me. closes it's eyes when I pet her. a little meow. and my life is beautiful again. the night has passed. even though i love the night. and i am thankful to be alive. to breath. not to just continue my life but to live it. most dreamers are bound to have their dreams broken. this life doesn't come easy. but a few little things like taking hand lettering classes in your summer or doing a course from the University of Edinburgh at 3 am of the night gives new meanings to your life. to where you're headed. it doesn't happen like we want it to be. but there are 126 other ways (suits reference, give me a high five if you watch it). there's always another way. another choice you cannot see. or don't want to. but it's there. and i want you to take it.
it takes time to heal. to stand under the rain. to write one wish on a paper. make a paper boat. and leave them off in the water. to write messages on the strings on balloons and let them go. i love the habits of my heart. they make me strong.
the heart wants what it wants. im done scolding it. the next habit is to get a handful of sand. pour out all my mistakes. things i could've handled better. friends i befriended who hate all the things about me they fell for in the first place. pour that all onto my hand. and unclench my fists as i let it go. i am content with the decisions i have made. i am finally standing up for myself.
as Eminem said, if i could take it all back now, i wouldn't. would have did more shit that people said i shouldn't.
