Dear you, only you.
One less problem, one less heartache. I am homesick for a person I have never met and places I have never been to.
I am brushing my hair looking at myself in the mirror thinking what I could be doing instead. Like watching the sunset. Like making breakfast for you. Like singing to 'Sky full of stars' by Coldplay with you.
I am a mess sometimes, you kow. You would want to hit your head in the walls, you will curse at the wind and then suddenly I will save your day at the last minute. Maybe I am diseased. Or something.
And get this, I demand my time alone. No one to answer to. I have made my solitude my best friend, sadness my saviour. I like being independent, I'm not so much of an investment. I shut pepole out. I push them away. I am a risk. And if you need surviving, you'd probably not want me.
I am not usually that person people fall for when I enter the room. Maybe for a few I was, but not for the ones I wanted to be. And I guess I am just hurt. Just hurt that things don't last and hearts change. I can't believe how quickly hearts change. It's ridiculous.
I don't feel the need to be fulfilled by some other human. I am doing completely fine. I pick myself. I build myself. I fall again and I smile. Sometimes I laugh.
But sometimes I just want somebody to hold, somebody to give me the jacket when its cold, someone to write my name in their binder and the back of the maths copy because I am translucent and I have taken their breath away. It's that young love, right?
I am sure you are there, by the way. You come in my dreams sometimes.
You don't have a face. You look like fabrications of my past loves and you look bright. You look like you have been waiting for me too. You look like you have been in my day dreams before, when I wasn't able to focus on that inequalities question with SATs around the corner. You smiled at me. And I captured it inside.
Now, I am done looking because when the time is right you'll be here by my side. I am not one of those who confuses puppy loves. Be sure of that.
So dear you, this is for you. Whoever you may be. I promise you I will love you for a long long time.
