Sometimes I have a lot to say, and sometimes I have very little. My coworkers bore the shit out of me. I mean that was to be expected, but I didn't think someone would truly start a conversation with the words "have you seen the new iPhone update?". I've been told how famous one coworker is repeatedly (by herself), one drawls on and nothing she ever says carries any weight, another seemingly glared at me the entire time while tossing boxes around. It was fucking weird. These people aren't training me. Literally everyone thus far is just having me watch them without explaining what it is they're doing and why.
Either way, I don't work again for the next two days. It's cool to not work yourself to death, I'm not used to it. I hope college does good things for me. I'm really banking on being super successful in the future, I literally don't have any other plans. I just really hope I create something great in my lifetime.
I'm starting to feel a bit more comfortable in my skin. When I say I'm fat, I want you to understand I'm the girl that everyone responds with "you are not even close to being fat". What I mean is, I have gained weight. My body has taken on a different shape as to what I'm used to and I'm not sure I like it. I'm 5'4 and weigh 124 pounds. I am not overweight, I'm not fat, but I just don't think I'm the tiniest girl around anymore and that's a really weird thing to have to come to terms with. Your body type comes with a mindset and a personality of its own. I'm so used to clothes being too big, never being able to lend my clothes out because no one else could fit in them, the girl who wasn't allowed to complain about her weight. At the end of the day, I know people would kill to have my body. I just know I could be better. I'm planning on going vegan again, technically plant-based if you want to be accurate. I used to be vegan, vegetarian for about three years and vegan for about six months. I ended up switching from vegan back to vegetarian because I was losing too much weight. At 5'4, 103 wasn't the ideal weight. I loved it though. I added dairy back into my diet and apparently I'm lactose intolerant and the only way my body could handle dairy, was by eating meat again. After continuous prodding from my family doctor, family, and friends, I began eating meat again. I guess I could've just gone back to being vegan, but part of me missed the taste. I loved the way vegan made me feel. Healthy, a light mind, no guilt, always feeling refreshed. What I'm planning to do is eat vegan all the time, but once a month have a massive cheat day with all the good foods. Veganism to me is kind of a win-win, it's a form of dieting for me and my conscious is a little bit lighter at the end of it. I've never been comfortable eating animals, but I'd like a chicken nugget every now and then. I don't recommend veganism to everyone, it just happens to be what works best for me and my lifestyle and my health. I don't know, just be nice to animals. Cut back on meat intake. Think about it. Literally just think about the animals for 10 seconds, at least give them that consideration. I want to do better, but not limit myself so it's a very difficult thing. I wish I could say I'm 100% disgusted with meat eaters, but in reality I'm jealous of most of them. Yeah, I'll call you a piece of shit if I see you eating a steak, but I wish I could be you and not feel severely guilted by taking a bite. Sometimes I wish I could be the person that didn't give a shit. Right now, a lot of vegan alternatives suck dick, but there's a lot of really good ones. I want to see a rise in vegan products and a drop in the meat industry. I just want to work towards that goal and at least try while still enjoying my own life.
But yeah, that's my health and everything behind it. I go to the ER like four times a year, every time after eating continually shitty for months on end and then my body rejects everything, I feel like shit, I get dehydrated, I have to go to the hospital, they perform blood tests and check for any illnesses, but I know I'll just end up with an IV and two liters of fluid and then I'll be on my way. Happens without fail, every time. Last time was bad though, I started throwing up in the waiting room and apparently that meant I got priority and I got to skip ahead of everyone and be taken to a room right away. I think they just thought they needed to get me the hell out of there. Even though it's a fucking ER waiting room and we're all fucked up, people were still mortified by myself and my barf bag. I got my gallbladder out when I was 15 due to stomach issues. I coughed up a liter of blood after a bad reaction to a tonsillectomy. So my mental health and my physical health aren't too far off from one another. I'm at one of my good spells right now.
YOU ARE READING
Never Humble
Non-FictionFor those whose thoughts are frightening, but not enough so that they became a danger to those around them. For those whose thoughts run rampant, causing chaos in your mind, but still having that slight bit of hope you hang onto that we address by s...
