The Death of Jacob Track (Book One of the 33X Series)

Chapter 2

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CHAPTER 2

October 29, 2013

"I don't want the funeral on Halloween. Oh God, that would be awful. Any day but that, Edward, please!" Elizabeth Track sobbed into her husband's shoulder. His black t-shirt was already soaked from her tears, but he didn't mind. They had both lost a child. A tear soaked t-shirt was nothing to be concerned about. There were no words to express that could ever come close to explaining their loss.

"It doesn't have to be on Halloween, Liz. It could be after it. We just tell the funeral director our stand." Edward said as he ran his fingers through her auburn hair, tears slowly dripping from his blue eyes. "It's not like we..." his voice trailed off. He hadn't been able to say it yet. Saying it made it too real, too painful.

Elizabeth sat up, looked into Edward's blue eyes. She knew what he couldn't say. She hadn't been able to say it yet, either. But the fact was in the room with them, weighing so heavy on their shoulders. Jacob was dead, suicide. And the rain had washed away his body. The police had only found a t-shirt snagged on an overhanging tree limb. They had no body to bury, no closure. The thought of having a funeral with no body, made it seem harder, as if Jacob wasn't really dead. In her overwhelming grief, she needed that closure to know he was gone and never coming back.

She wrapped her arms around Edward's waist and fell onto his shoulders again. They continued to cry and hold each other for a long time. She tried to enjoy the things about Ed that had always been her favorite: his smell, his warmth, the way his arms fit around her so perfectly, the gentle way his fingers touched her face and hair. But it all felt so selfish. She wanted the comfort, needed it really. The pain should be gone. It should have never come. Why would God take her son? Her precious Jacob had so much life yet to live, so many hopes and dreams. He could have accomplished anything, but he gave it all up. All of his dreams and hopes were gone, over a girl and being overwhelmed by stress. She wondered who the girl was; she had her suspicions, but there was no way to be sure.

Liz didn't believe it, couldn't believe it. It just felt so false. Jacob was a great boy. He was honest with Liz and Ed all of the time, more honest than most teenage boys were with their parents. He barely ever kept secrets from them. They knew he had some close girlfriends, even gave Zacchya Packers a promise ring, but that relationship had ended. He had been very sad about his break up with Zacchya, but he had seemed to cope alright. He had even stayed friends with her. So why would he hide this deep love and emotional struggle from them? It just made no sense. Liz wasn't sure if it was her heart or her gut gnawing at her, but it just felt off. She wanted to know the truth. Why couldn't God just give her the truth?

The few words Liz and Edward had spoken since they found Jacob's suicide note, told her Edward agreed. Sometimes Edward wasn't the best at expressing his thoughts, however. But Edward felt like a part of him had died. It wasn't fair. They had already lost a kid, a miscarriage, a few years before Jacob had been born. All the excitement and love blossoming between them was gone two months later. No idea if the baby was a boy or a girl. No name. It was just science being science. The doctors told them, "It just happens sometimes." What the hell do doctors know, anyhow? A life was there and then it was gone. Only a dandelion puff in a field full of dandelions. Nothing about that could ever feel right. And now their Jacob was gone too. Edward didn't know how to cope. He caressed Liz's hair like he always had, partly for her, partly for his own comfort. He missed the days, some of them only the week before, where he could hold her and kiss her, get lost in her hazel eyes and forget the world existed, nothing but their love and their souls intertwining. Liz was his soul mate, to that he was sure. But even through the worst times, which he thought had already passed but clearly hadn't, she had kept him strong. He just didn't know if this time, he could stay strong. The road ahead looked harder and longer than any he had ever seen before. He prayed for strength to God. Even though God felt like enemy #1.