Ghost Of You *SLOW UPDATES*

Chapter 12

I lounge lazily in Tom's practice room as he and Finn muck around on their instruments, playing random things as they attempt to write a new song for the upcoming competition. My fingers fly over the frets at a rapid pace as I pick out my favourite guitar part from Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day.

"Are you going to contribute?" Tom asks as he turns his attention to me, still plucking out a specific rhythm I know personally.

"This is my song." I mumble to myself as he smiles candidly and says, "It sure is. It was the one from your first performance. Youngblood right?"

I nod in approval as I stop playing my previous song, and instead start playing the rhythmic guitar part of my song.

I hear Finn begin to drum out a gentle beat behind me but it doesn't sound or feel the same as it did when I performed it with the boys.

"Stop. Can we write a song now?" I say, stopping the boys from continuing to play my original.

They stare at me in confusion but I only smile in return as I play a few chords I'd been planning on turning into a song.

Thinking 'bout you lots lately.
Have you been eating breakfast alone like me?
Thinking 'bout you lots lately.

Is it bad that I'm hoping that you're broken?
Is it bad that I'm wishing you're still broken?
That you haven't found fish in the ocean.
Is it bad, so bad.

Is it weird that I'm drunken on my sofa?
Is it weird that I'm naked on my sofa?
All alone, damn, I wish I didn't know ya.
Is it weird, so weird.

"How's that?" I ask with a smirk as I cock my head to the side and gauge the boys' reactions.

Their gobs are dropped open they stare at me with wide eyes. Those opened mouths then turn into smiles as Tom says calmly, "Did you just think of that? Like, on the spot."

"No actually. I've had it on my mind for a while now. Probably since my high school graduation." I say with a toss of my shoulders as I continue to play the same tune on repeat.

The boys throw in a few ideas for the rest of the lyrics, but nothing substantial or worthy of being apart of such a personal song as this. The hours pass by in a hurry and I can't help myself when I finish the song on my own in private, the only approval I receive from Tom and Finn being a thumbs up emoji after I send them the demo.

My guitars sit in their respective stands as I lay down on my couch staring up at the ceiling, the speakers playing a playlist full of a few modern pop-acoustic hits as I cradle my head in my hands and try not to focus on the throbbing in my skull.

The performance is in one week and Tom and Finn have done nothing. They've told me to come up with everything and I've fucking fallen for it.

I slam a pillow on my face and scream in frustration as tears prick my eyes.

I'm so fucking done with this world.

All people do is use me and then fuck me over for what I've got.

I hear a knock on the door followed by it creaking open as I hear someone mutter something to themselves before walking over to me and kneeling down by me, by the edge on the couch.

"What's wrong Shay?" He asks gently, pulling the pillow away from my face.

"Why does no one want me for me? Why do they want something from me, and then fuck me over when I give it? It just makes no sense and I'm so done with it Luke." I explain as a quiet sob escapes my lips and the tears escape my eyes in delicate drops.