𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐲𝐚

12 ; action de grâces

23rd of November, 2018
Xavier Robson
Part 1

Dear Amaya,

A lot happened yesterday. I couldn't write about it yesterday because I'm horrified and confused of it. So much happened that I can't write in one letter.

It was hard to gulp down the food when you sat in your seat staring at the wooden dining table.

I remember everything so clearly.

I've never felt that pain and fear as I did.

From the moment I woke up I could hear you singing, you always loved to sing especially that song "raindrops keep falling on my head". You'd sing it in the morning and it drove me completely nuts, that was till it was gone.

But I heard you Amaya singing in the corridor but every time I opened my bedroom door your voice disappeared. I had showered and gotten ready to the repetition of that song and your voice. I could hardly breathe as I walked down the stairs to the smell of the traditional Frittata that I used to love but I couldn't because it was your favourite Amaya.

Mum smile warmly at me saying happy thanksgiving which I weakly smiled at saying it back trying not to throw up my anxiety. The day was slow and we spent many of the time cooking and playing music. She prepared way too much food for three of us, making me think we had relatives coming around.

A door knock came and I slowly made my way opening it to Kayla Bourke who cheerfully shouted happy thanksgiving pulling me into a hug before handing me a card and a small bag of cookies. I kissed her cheek as she had done thanking her for being my friend and for dropping by before she left in a scuttle.

The biscuits were pumpkin spice choc chip and they were divine, my mum instantly wanting to see Kayla more often around the house baking.

A few minutes after another knock came, I was sure it was just Kayla again always forgetting things. But instead I opened it up to Corbyn standing there in a dress shirt and his plain old jeans with a dish of potato casserole. As he went to say something, I heard voices behind him making him grimace as my eyes widened.

"Xavier! Oh how lovely to meet you, I'm saskina!" The lady swooped around Corbyn pulling me straight into her arms with a lovely, tight hug. She wore a nice nude lipstick and her hair was blonde along with a skinny frame similar to Corbyn. She grabbed the dish from his hands running to an excited mum.

Next followed a girl, younger than both us, I'd seen her before on the cheer team but now I made the realisation that she was definitely related to Corbyn with similarities and blonde hair. 

"Ashley and Jordan" An older boy walked in close to the girl laughing already while I just stumbled back.

And lastly a man shorter then Corbyn with brown hair came in shaking my hand with a gruff hello and an introduction. Apparently his name is Ray but I could hardly catch it.

Corbyn smiled sweetly

"You didn't tell me you were coming to my house for thanksgiving the other day" I blurted

"I didn't realise your mum was my mums best pal at work" I shrug gently looking at my shoes

"May I come in?"

"Ugh, um yeah." He whipped his feet pretending he hadn't been in the household. The room was instantly buzzing making me think maybe this was going to be a better thanksgiving.

"I forgot to mention Xavier that we are having visitors." I saluted with an angered look on my face but soon brightened my eyes. I looked around the room at everyone they were all so happy and my mums smile was through the roof unlike it had been for a while. Josh pitted down the stairs giving a broshake to Jordan, maybe they were in the same year when they went while Ashley laughed. I stared at her for a second, not because of her though, but because there you were again Amaya standing smiling at everyone, hair braided, white shorts and white shirt. You were happy looking at the company but as soon as your eyes landed on me it disappeared and your head shook staring me down till I was stumbling backwards.

"Woah you alright tiger."

"Yeah uh... I think I just need some air" he nodded staring into my eyes before I bought myself back to what was happening and began walking slowly through the house. I could hear Corbyn following but I tried to keep my focus straight.

"Xavier." I stopped looking back at him, his fingers gently touching the glass of one of the many frames in the house. I stood closer to him noticing the picture he had stopped at causing my breath to hitch.

"Who is that?"

In the photo was me and a little girl snuggled in blankets on the couch, it was one of my favourite photos.

".. she was my sister..." he nodded slowly looking at me. I don't know if he knew not to push further the topic so he pointed to a man in another picture seated on the beach next to mum.

"my dad, he left us but that's okay." I recall my chest burning in pain but Corbyn nodded again squeezing my hand like he always does before we kept walking out the back door. It was so cold now but as it hit me I felt relief in the freezing of my hands. Our friendship had become a quiet one, we were kind, than sassy but now I think he was trying to work out who I was but I didn't want him to. He went to say something, I could see in my peripheral vision but he didn't get the chance because I turned around so quickly and entered the house again leaving the blonde boy in the cold.