How It Should Have Been

Chapter 9: The Survivor

Begin!

Universe*

~Normal POV

"Hey you cake sniffers," The unmistakable voice of Carmelita Spats screeched, "This is a private cave, go away!"

These must have been the Snow Scouts that Kit had told them about. There were about 20 children gathered around the fire, all wearing the same masks over their faces. Even the adult had one.

"Who's there Carmelita," The adult asked.

"I see a group of shadows by the entrance, Uncle Bruce. They look like cake sniffers!"

"Show yourselves," The man apparently named Bruce commanded.

The group of orphans stepped closer to the scout troop, thankful for their masks hiding their identities, as Violet spoke up, "We're just travelers, sir. The snow gnats attacked us and we wanted to rest here for a moment then we'll be on our way."

"Absolutely not," Carmelita said, "This is where the Snow Scouts are camping, on our way to celebrate False Spring and crown me queen, and we don't want any cake sniffers spoiling our fun!"

"Now, now, Carmelita, Snow Scouts are supposed to be accommodating, remember? It's part of the Snow Scout Alphabet Pledge," Bruce said.

"I don't want to be accommodating," Carmelita whined, "I'm the False Spring Queen so I get to do whatever I want!"

"You're not the queen yet, not until we crown you in a few days," Said the voice of a patient boy, "Come sit by the fire travelers."

"That's the spirit, kid," Bruce said," Come on scouts, let's all say the Snow Scout Alphabet Pledge together."

As the group sat down with the other children the cave echoed with every other person besides them talking in perfect unison as they said their scout pledge.

"Snow Scouts are accommodating, basic, calm, darling, emblematic, frisky, grinning, human, innocent, jumping, kept, limited, meek, nap-loving, official, pretty, quarantined, recent, scheduled, tidy, understandable, victorious, wholesome, xylophone, young, and zippered every morning, every afternoon, every night, and all day long!"

The Baudelaires and the Quagmires looked at each other in confusion. Most pledges don't seem to make sense, but this was probably the most confusing of all. One person couldn't possibly be all these things at once. And they were even more confused about how a person could be "xylophone" as it was an instrument not an adjective. The Snow Scouts ended their pledge with a long breath that imitated the wind outside; which only added to how strange they were. Klaus removed Sunny from Violet's makeshift sling and set her on his lap, making sure her over-sized mask had not fallen off accidentally. Isadora held his hand as she moved to sit close to him, while Violet and Duncan held hands and sat close together as well.

"There's nothing like ending the Snow Scout Alphabet Pledge with a snowy sound," Bruce said.

The Snow Scouts were all dressed in white uniforms with glittery pink letters on the backs of their coats spelling out their pledge. Bruce was wearing an ugly plaid coat and holding a lit cigar in his hand, though he couldn't possibly smoke it through his mask. The only other exception appeared to be a boy sitting beside the orphans who was wearing a light blue jacket with several large pockets and a backpack sitting at his feet.

"I see you travelers were smart to wear those masks. The snow gnats would have eaten you alive otherwise," Bruce explained, "My name is Bruce! But you can call me Uncle Bruce, though I am most certainly not your uncle. Would you like to join the Snow Scouts? We're on our annual Snow Scout Hike where we climb Mount Fraught and celebrate False Spring by crowing my niece, Carmelita, Queen and dancing around the Spring Pole."