Sweetener

God Is a Woman

"I love you" Pete said as I got out of his car.  I looked at him. 

"You've gotta stop saying that.  You really cant love me" I said "It's barely been a week"

"I love you" he smiled.  I sighed as I shut the expensive car door.  I walked into my house, and gently closed my front door.  As I walked forward the door opened.  "Why can't I say I love you?" Pete asked.

"Must you always sneak up on me?" I asked.

"I just think love can be so different you know?" he asked.

"Excuse me?" I asked in confusion.

"Like, I love ice cream, I love carbs, I love you" he said still not making sense.

"I-I, are you saying I'm a food?" I asked. 

"No, I" he sighed in frustration.  I'd noticed sometimes he said things only he himself could understand.  A lot actually.  Trying to decode it though, was fun.  "I mean like, maybe I'm not in love with you, but I love you" he said "Like, how I love ice cream.  I'm not in love with it, but I damn well love having it around" He stared at me as I finally understood what he meant.  "So I mean like, I love you" he said "But, it doesn't mean I'm in love with you" He said.  His phone rang in his pocket.  He sighed and answered it.  "Wentz" he said gently.  He looked at me and I smiled at him.  "Be there soon" He hung up, shoved the phone in his pocket, and grabbed his jacket that I didn't even notice him take off, off my couch. 

"What happened?" I asked.

"Just, Spencer wants to sign a new band as all" he said gently "I'll call you when I'm home"

"Alright" I said gently.  He started to walk away but I tapped his shoulder.  When he turned around, I gently pecked his lips taking him by surprise.  He stared at me in shock.  Every time he remotely leant in to kiss me, I backed off.  It felt nice.  It felt okay and right.  He grabbed my hand, and gave me a real kiss.  I felt the butterflies wave around in my stomach.  He pulled back and smiled. 

"I love you" he said.  I smiled as he left.  Even though he explained why he loved me, I still couldn't say it back. I watched his expensive car take off as I shut my door. Today he spent an hour talking to me about how he believes god's actually a woman, and the reason the bible says she's a man, is because men wrote it. They didn't want the highest power to be a man. Pete Wentz was weird, and sure knew how to talk your ear off and make you think.  Everything he said made sense, even if it took a minute to get there. I placed my bag on the couch and called my best friend, as I searched for my lunch in the fridge. I had work in a few hours so I wanted to get ready for that.

"Hello?" Brendon asked.

"Hi" I said "How's it hanging?"

"You're bored. Pete leave?"

"Business call" I sighed giving up on my hunger. "What're you doing?"

"Right now? If I tell you you'll wanna bleach your life away. Can I call you in like a couple hours?"

"Disgusting. Keep your one night stands away from me. Talk to you later" I said. I hung up quickly. Now I really was bored. I ended up flopping on my couch and falling asleep until I had work.  But, I didn't wake to my alarm.  I woke to a odd man in my living room who knew where I hid my spare key.  Pete ran his hand down my cheek gently.  I slowly opened my eyes staring at him. "Hi" I mumbled sleepily.

"Good morning, need a ride to you crappy job?" he asked.  I smiled a little.

"Pays the bills" I said as I sat up.  I stared at the pile of bills on my table.  He followed my gaze. 

"I'll pay them" he said standing up.

"You the fuck will not" I said "I'll figure it out"

"I wanna do it" he said.  He picked them up, and I snatched them.  He pulled his phone from his pocket. 

"What're you doing?" I asked. 

"Paying your bills" he said.

"No" I snatched his phone. 

"Patrick" he whined "I don't need my boyfriend being homeless" He stopped, and looked up at me.  "I mean, not my boyfriend.  I don't know"

"I can pay them" I said placing them down. 

"I'm sorry" he whispered. 

"Don't" I said gently "It's okay"

"You're not my boyfriend I-"

"Pete, it's okay" I grabbed his hands "I just need a little more time before I throw in a label" He turned towards the door.

"You have work" he said "I'll be in the car" He left shutting the door. I sighed and stared at the bills on my table. The front door opened up again. "If I can't date you let me pay the bills" I groaned and sat down on my couch. "It's not fair! You're what I want and I can't have it! Let me help!" He stomped his foot. I sighed and handed him the large pile of bills.

"Never again"

"That's what you think" he said. He helped me off the couch by my hands. "I'll have you one day"

"You're probably right" I whispered. He pulled me against him, and kissed me.  I smiled at him. 

"You know you have me wrapped around your finger right?" He asked. 

"I don't like having that power" I said gently.

"You don't abuse it" he said "I think you like to have someone sleep next to you"

"You think I'm using you for someone in my bed?" I asked.  He shrugged. 

"I don't know.  I love you though" he smiled.  Again, I didn't say it back.

"You interest me" I said gently "I like to talk to you"

"So you're using me for someone to talk to" He said smirking.  I laced my fingers with his free hand.

"No" I shook my head "I have Brendon to talk to.  I like to talk to you" He smiled wider.  "And I like your presence, it's nice.  It's calming"

"How come you dislike my home?" he asked.  I blushed.  "Oh, oh no what is it?" He asked.

"It's nothing just, I didn't want you to think I hung out with you for the money" I said gently.  He snorted.

"Who cares?" he asked "People hang out with me for the money all the time.  At least they talk to me, no one ever talked to me" I frowned at him.  I felt the mood get serious.  Or sad.  "Anyway"

"Wait" I said "You like people using  you?" I asked.

"No" he shook his head "But, people always think I'm weird and they don't like to talk to me.  At least with the money, they talk to me" I hugged his neck tightly.  We fell backwards but, he caught us.  "Whats all this?" He mumbled.

"I don't think you're weird" I whispered.

"You say it all the time" He mumbled.

"No, I mean yeah.  But, I like the weird.  I like the way you think and talk.  It's different.  It pulls me in" I said "It's okay to be weird"

"So, you talk to me because I'm weird?" he asked.

"I talk to you because you're you" I said "No fronts"

"So because I'm weird" He said.

"In a good way" I said.  He held me tighter. 

"Thank you for existing" He said gently.