Sweetener

Breathin

It was strange to not have Pete around.  Really strange.  I got a lot of anxiety because of the whole situation, so Brendon kept having to coach me through it.  I'd realized writing songs was the best way to go for me.  Pete occasionally texted me, and thats how it went for a solid week. 
I flopped on my couch after work.  I felt my phone buzz in my pocket, and the anxiety started up again.  Simply from a buzz.  That was fun. 

Pete: hey...

Me: Hi

Pete: i miss you..... can i come over?

Me: yes...

I shut my phone off and stood up cleaning up a little.  Throwing out the crumpled papers that were failed song attempts, and the alcohol bottles that had gotten me through the initial blow to my heart.  I trashed it all.  I started to straighten up a little as well.  I put couch pillows where they should be, and I cleaned up the pizza box off the floor. Just as I got the pizza box in the trash, there was a somewhat dreaded knock on the door. It was gentle, and light. I felt sick, yet happy that I was finally seeing him after a week. I slowly opened the door. He stared at me looking about as bad as I did. I smiled softly, but fake. He looked down at me, and I realized then that I was wearing his shirt. I felt my smile fade. I gulped down whatever wanted to come up. Puke, tears, or saying something stupid. When I realized he was wearing my jacket though, I felt a bit better.

"Come inside" I said gently. We walked inside silently. I shut the door. He looked around.

"You've been drinking" he said.

"How did you-" I paused as he pointed to the single bottle of vodka on my side table. "Thats Brendons"

"Really?" He asked. I nodded. He walked into the kitchen, and pulled the empty bottles from the trash.

"Okay" I said. He dropped them back into the trash "How do you do that?"

"It's easy" he said "The house reeks of alcohol,
theres a vodka bottle on the table, and I know you were as hurt as I was" He shoved his hands in his pockets "I also know you put dry shampoo in your hair to cover the fact that you haven't showered" I sighed.

"You know" I said "I miss you" I whispered.

"I'm right here" he said "I've been here for a month and two weeks. You haven't been though"

"I have!" I cried out. He stared at me with a weird look "I have" I said quieter this time "I just suck at this Pete"

"Suck at what?" he asked "Having feelings?"

"Yes" I said.

"I know" he said.

"I know I hurt you" I said.

"Yeah" he said.

"But, you hurt me too" I said.

"Yeah" he whispered now. I sat on the arm of my couch.

"You know what Pete?" I asked. He looked at me now. "I'm a fucking idiot, and I know that. And I'm really fucking sorry. I just don't deserve someone like you. But, I'm in love with you" I looked up at him.

"I'm in love with you too" he said gently. He walked over to me and grabbed my hands "You deserve to be happy, especially after everything you've been through"

"I don't know" I whispered.

"I do" he smiled at me "And after you did the one thing you knew would hurt me, I'm still here with you aren't I? What does that tell you?"

"You're an idiot?" I asked. He smiled.

"No" he said "Well, maybe" I laughed a little. "It means, you're worth it" I smiled and pressed my hands to his cheeks.

"I'm so sorry" I said "Please, dont leave me"

"I'm not" he said. "But, there's something you have to agree to now because I won't settle for less"

"Okay" I said gently.

"Will you be my boyfriend?" he asked. I nodded.

"Yeah" I whispered. He smiled widely and lifted me off the couch. I screamed and laughed "Peter!" I yelled. He spun me, then put me down. "I love you" I laughed. He pulled me against him and smiled at me.

"Do you love me, or are you in love with me?" he asked.

"I'm in love with you" I whispered. He smiled and pecked my lips.  "Andrew sucks in bed compared to you" He raised an eyebrow at me and smirked.

"Really?" he asked.  He made a face that showed me what I'd said went to his head. 

"This is when you tell me that Thomas isn't nearly as good as me whether you mean it or not so my insecurities dont come out to play"

"Oh god, way better" he said.  "I mean way better" he smiled at me.

"That's all I needed to hear" I kissed his nose "Would you like some dinner bub?" I walked into the kitchen. 

"Do you count?" he asked. 

"Maybe later" I said "Dessert" He hugged my waist as I walked.

"Can we get something for dinner instead of wasting this time cooking?" he asked.

"I'm poor" I said.

"I'm rich" He said.

"I'd rather cook" I pulled the chicken out of my fridge. He snatched it from me.

"Let me treat you" he begged "Come on" he pouted. I sighed.

"Fine" I said.