Sweetener

Get Well Soon

"Pete?" I asked gently.  He pulled the blanket from our bed over his head "What's wrong? We're getting married in a few days and you've been in our room" He didn't respond.  "Are you having second thoughts?" I asked quietly.  He sat up now staring at me with a blank look.

"No" he said. 

"Can you tell me whats going on?" I asked.

"I just don't feel good, can we leave it at that?" he snapped. 

"Are you depressed?" I asked gently sitting near him.  He didn't reply.  He laid back down and stared away from me.  "Please talk to me.  You told me you get like this sometimes, so help me get you through it"

"Go away Patrick" he mumbled.

"Last time you were depressed you didn't eat and you slept for a day, I know it's worse this time. I don't want this to affect our wedding so please Peter, let me help" I begged. Again, no response. I got off the bed sighing. "I'll make you some coffee, and we'll go from there"

"Tea" He said gently.

"Okay, I'll make you some tea" I said. 

"Thank you" I heard him say quietly. I made him tea, and myself some coffee. I mixed in what I knew he liked, and brought it back upstairs to him. He took his mug from me gently.

"Do you wanna play cards?" I asked. He smiled a little, first time in days. "Let's play cards" I grabbed the deck next to his bed "And I'll tell you about my day"

"Okay" he said gently.  I dealt them out to play Go Fish. 

"So I went to get our tuxes at the mall with Brendon" I said laying down my pair.  "And Brendon managed to run right into a Starbucks worker, and spilled Pink Drinks all over three teenage girls who I'm assuming ordered them because of James Charles" he smiled at that "And then proceeded to buy the girls new pink drinks"

"Pinkity Drinkity's" Pete corrected me.

"Pinkity Drinkity" I said sighing.  He chuckled.

"Do you have any threes?" he asked.

"Go fish" I said.  He picked up a card, and laid his cards down.  "You fished your wish"

"My wish is a kiss" He said.  I smiled and pecked his lips.  "You make the bad thoughts go away" he said gently.  I smiled a little wider.  "What else happened today?" We both put our cards down at the same time as if to say we knew we weren't going to focus on this game.

"Well" I said "After that, Brendon and I ended up at a restaurant and he ordered a personal pizza, which he then managed to drop on the floor" Pete chuckled "Ryan met us there, spent ten minutes scolding his boyfriend, and then had to leave on a work call"

"Sounds about right" he chuckled. 

"So, Brendon and I got ourselves home after that.  Now I'm here with my amazing husband to be, relaying my day to him.  Which, I get to do for the rest of my life" I said smiling. "Now, how about I make you some dinner"

"What kind of dinner?" he asked.

"Whatever kind you want since you feel icky" I said. 

"I don't feel so icky anymore" he said "But, I still feel kinda icky"

"I'm sorry, I wish it would go away completely"

"I think everyone with depression does" he said smiling "It's okay, I get to marry you in like two days and that's just so amazing.  It makes me so absolutely happy" He pecked my lips.  "I'm exhausted"

"No more sleeping" I said gently. 

"Okay" He got out of bed "Come on.  I was promised dinner"

"You're gonna eat?" I asked smiling.

"Yeah, for you" He held his hand out and I grabbed it.  "You know Patrick, when I'm like that it's not usually a simple thing"

"Well what is it then?" I asked gently.

"I guess you don't have depression" He said.  I shook my head.

"I've been sad, and considered killing myself, but never like this" I said gently. 

"Well, depression is everything, and nothing all at once in a way" he said as we started walking "It's your whole life making you sad, angry, or even just numb.  While, you can't quite figure out what it is that's making you feel this way at the same time"

"That sounds tricky" I said.

"So anything can trigger it really, even nothing.  At the same time truly the trigger isn't usually the problem" He led me into the kitchen "For example, my trigger this time was that small fight we had about cake icing.  That's not enough to cause what I went through.  Staying in my room, not eating, and basically moping out.  But, sometimes that's all it takes"

"And I guess your medication doesn't always work" I said gently. 

"Medication doesn't solve it no" he said "It helps a little, numbs you out, but sometimes it really doesn't work"

"How can I pull you from it?" I asked.

"Well you pulled me from it today" He said "But, sometimes you just have to wait it out"

"I don't wanna wait it out" I pouted.  He chuckled "But, I will for you"

"I don't necessarily wanna wait it out either" he said. "Patrick can we get burgers?"

"Anything for you" I said.
——
"Is that good?" I asked. 

"Yes" Pete said as we watched the football game.  Something happened and Pete cheered out loud.  I stared at the screen as everyone cheered on the TV.  "Touchdown" Pete kissed the side of my head. 

"Yay" I cheered. 

"Thanks for watching the game with me babe" he said smiling.

"Even though I have no idea whats going on, you're welcome" I said as a commercial played.  I stole one of Petes french fries off his plate.  "Im happy you feel better"

"Only because of you" He said smiling. 

"And the football people" I said.

"Sure babe, the football people too" he chuckled.  "More or less you in my jersey"

"It's comfy" I smiled biting my hamburger.  "I did musicals in high school this isn't my scene"

"So did I" he laughed.

"I know I saw the pictures you were adorable" I said "You think if we went to school together we'd have already been together?"

"Maybe.  The world is weird" he said "I think either way we belong together"

"Me too" I smiled.  We looked at the TV.  "It's back on"

"The football people return" he said.  I shoved his shoulder playfully and he laughed.