ALPHA QUEEN

SIXTEEN.

All those months I thought I loathed the boy when, in reality, I loved him. I loved him with all I had in me and now, when he crashed our lips together, I couldn't respond to him, no matter how much I wanted. Because I didn't deserve this. I didn't deserve the affection he was showing me. As I told him before, I hurt him. He couldn't be over that, I...it's torture I put him through, he couldn't have forgiven me. Yet, while all these thoughts were swimming in my head, he was still holding me tight and kissing my lips. Even though I wasn't responding to the kiss, he didn't let me leave his arms. So, I broke down, again. I cried so hard, my sobs were echoing through the whole castle. I was sure everyone could hear me but, I didn't care. 

Not anymore.

"Oh. Is this a bad moment?" Toni carefully entered the kitchen, carrying a basket of groceries. Both me and Axel shook our heads at his question and he nodded to himself. His face was set in a frown as he was placing the basket on the counter beside me and Axel. He looked at my face and his eyes softened at the sight of my teary ones. Soon, I heard his voice in my head.

'What happened, Rose?'

'I took Axel to the meeting this morning because I wanted him there, I wanted him to...'

'...see you in all your glory and approve of how strong and smart you are and how lucky he is?' Toni asked in a rush and I saw him smile at my weird face. 'Okay, babe. What happened next?'

'Alpha Vladimir called Axel a servant after I asked him for an opinion about the rouges and I flipped; you know much we hate that word here. I called the Alpha an old idiot and cussed at him. Then, dad told Axel to take me outside and he brought me here and I...I told him I was sorry for everything I put him through and that I don't deserve him. I broke down. A couple of times. Then, after I calmed down a little, he kissed me and I started to cry again because I didn't understand why he still wanted me as a mate. He was right, you know, five months ago. I really am a spoiled brat.' I finished and Toni took hold of my hand. He gave it a light squeeze and I sniffled.

"I can't believe you, Rose." Toni suddenly said, after a long silence gap.

"What?" I whispered and he laughed.

"Axel, go tell the girl, please. She is a bit stupid; be detailed." Axel smiled and pulled me out of the kitchen into the hallway and then outside to the gardens.

"Axel...I...please. May I go?" I asked, scared to be around him now. I couldn't control my emotions; they were all over the place.

"No, Rosie. Not until I tell you why I want you still. You told Toni it was bothering you. Well, I'll help you with that." My eyes widened and I felt the heat on my neck. 

Stupid Axel. 

Stupid Toni.

"The moment I saw you that night in the castle, I knew you were something special. It took only one look at you to take my breath away. But, you were colder than I expected. I wanted to grab you, hug the daylights out of you for finally being before my eyes yet, you ordered us all to beat it and go to your office. I knew you felt the bond and wanted to run away, and I saw just that when you pulled poor Lily up the stairs faster than the speed of light. I followed your order none the less and sat in your office with my dad and the Alpha King. I basked in your scent while waiting for you and when it was becoming stronger, I knew you were close. Then, you started talking. I thought it was all going smoothly until you mentioned my harsh words. I was in such pain when I told that to my dad, Rosalina. My head was spinning and I couldn't control myself; I didn't mean it, not a single letter. After that, you took my title away and I was so angry. My wolf was going crazy in my head because of what you did and I grabbed those ugly words again and threw them in your face. I saw in your eyes that you couldn't bear with me anymore so I tried to apologize after I realized what I said to you. When I tried to take your arm, you told me you hated me and that I had no right to touch your body. I was crushed after that. My own mate hated me and it was all my fault. So, I decided to do what you told me I had to do. I did patrol, worked on new houses with Hector and the warriors, trained every day for several hours, and watched you from afar. And, Goddess, you were so beautiful, each day more than before. Every time you walked with Lily around the Pack, I would steal a glimpse. Then, Marcos beat me up and you defended me by putting yourself in danger. I was scared for the first time of my life; I thought you would end up dead because the dude was just feral. But, you being the amazing warrior, won. I was so proud of you, of what a strong woman you are. You don't even know how much I admire your strength. As the months were passing by, I couldn't bear to be around teenagers during the training anymore because they would speak about how hot you were, how they would 'do you', and how you would like it. I was fuming. My wolf and I were heartbroken because we weren't with you and the comments made everything worse. Also, that day in the forest, when you fell off the tree while goofing around with Lily; it was me who saved you, not Hector. I was your shadow, no matter how creepy that sounds.

Day by day, unfortunately, my health was becoming worse; I would have seizures while on patrol, blood was always at the back of my throat but, my chest; it hurt the most. You owned me and I knew I wouldn't be able to hide it anymore. I couldn't sleep because you were constantly on my mind and not having you by my side just made me feel like shit. Then, one night, I decided I've had enough of lying in the dark. I descended the stairs and walked into the kitchen to drink some water before I went for a run with Malik. Little did I know you would be there, eating in the darkness. I told you then what was bothering me, I told you the truth and you ignored me, again. A few hours later, I came back and you were with Toni. I felt relieved knowing you were with a friend and that he was keeping you in check. Until I saw that you were drunk. But, I thought: 'What the hell, it's not on me to tell her what to do. If she wants to be drunk at 6 a.m., so be it.' As I was leaving to meet Hector and the rest of the boys, I heard Toni scream out your name. I was, once again, scared shitless. I ran back to the kitchen and...there was so much blood, Rosie. Your blood. It was horrible. You know the rest; you woke up two days later, in my T-Shirt, with me by your side. Then Lily told you I was wounded, too. You stitched me up. I stitched you up. We rested together. Ate together. You obliged my wishes and stayed the night with me, in my bed. I didn't sleep, I couldn't. I was so happy to hold you like that for the first time in my life and I wanted to remember every breath you took, every time you would inch closer to me, every curve of your face. Rosalina, isn't this enough proof why I want you in my life? Why I want you? It's not just because we are meant to be but because you are everything I ever wanted. I want you because I love you. I love you for you, not because of your rank." He finally finished his long speech and I was amazed, hurt, proud, happy, sad and so in love with the man before me.

I ran into his chest and felt him chuckle. He wrapped his strong arms around my petite figure and I relaxed onto him, realizing I'm where I was meant to be months ago. 

Why was I so bloody stubborn and didn't stop and listen to what he had to say?

"I'm sorry, so fucking sorry, Axel." I chanted again and he kissed the top of my head. He acted as if everything he just said was okay, as if it was okay of me to hurt him. And what did I do next? Yes, I cried. I was feeling so vulnerable because I never thought there would be someone like him for me, someone so caring and someone who loved me as much as I loved them. His feelings were still in the air, around us, and I couldn't think straight. So I ran. I ran back inside the castle and into my room. I slammed the door, threw myself on the bed and wept. I wept for everyone and everything. I didn't even hear my door being open but the footsteps approaching my bed were loud and clear. Axel laid down beside me and pulled me into his warm embrace. He held me for hours, in silence, and I was thankful. I was thankful he didn't feel the need to talk or to scrutinize my actions. He knew why I was so hurt and broken and he thought it was okay to feel like that.

"Rosie?" It was nighttime when he broke the silence. I hummed as a response and he continued: 

"Your family wants you down for dinner; they say it's important for you to come because of the Alphas." I stayed still and he lifted himself in a sitting position and looked at me, waiting for a response. I shook my head and went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me.

"Baby, you have to eat. Please, mate." He pleaded behind closed doors and I sighed. I suck at showing my feelings towards him.

"Rosalina, I will not be there if that will make you happier." Once he said that I growled and opened the door in a flash. Then, I hissed in his face:

"Don't you dare say that ever again, Axel Thanos! I want you there, you idiotic moron. Now, go get ready, I will be done in five minutes." I shut the door in his face, not missing the big smile on his face.

"Oh, and Matthias?" I called him by his middle name, knowing he was still there, in the middle of my room, with that stupid grin plastered on his face.

"Yes, Midnight?"

"I love you." I smiled when I heard him gasp and leave in a hurry.

Finally, I admitted it to him.

And I was so fucking happy.