Lust in the Mosh Pit | A Jared Dines Story

You Could Have Died

  For the last two weeks, everyone in my life and I were getting along better than ever and there's been zero drama. Obviously, that means a shit storm is coming. Whenever life is going well and smooth, it has a way of sneaking up and fucking you in the ass.

     "Alex, I need you!" Janie cried over the phone hysterically. It was 11:47pm and I had only left the shop an hour ago.  She insisted she stay later by herself to look over the books and compare sales to last year's. I had had an odd feeling in my gut but i figured it was just my anxiety getting the best of me. "They took everything, I don't know what the fuck to do." She sobbed. 

     "Did you call the cops? Are you safe? I'm on my way right now." I responded sternly while jumping into my car. I was wearing nothing but soffe shorts and an Ice Nine Kills hoodie and didn't even think to put on shoes. We talked a bit longer until I heard the police sirens in the background. To make the situation even worse, it had started storming outside. When I pulled up to the shop I saw that the window was broken and plates and other objects were strung out through the main room.

     "Thank you so much, really I'll be okay." I overheard Janie telling an EMT as I walked up to the scene. She had explained to me on the way that while she was calculating sales, two guys had broken in through the front window and basically ransacked the place with holding a gun to her head. I expected her to still be shaken up as she was over the phone but she appeared to be beyond calm.

    "Are you sure that you're okay?" I asked, walking her to my car. I had decided it was best for me to drive her home after all the commotion. She stared out the window. 

    "I need a drink." Was all she could say. I sighed to myself and scrunched my forehead, trying to see the road through the rain. When we pulled up to her apartment she immediately un-clicked her seatbelt and walked inside. I scurried to turn off the car and grab all my things and cover my hair with my hoodie before following her. By the time I took one step in, she had already chugged one beer. 

     "I don't know how you feel or how to help you deal with how you're feeling, but I don't think that's how you should do it.." I said carefully, trying not to upset her. She was unreadable at this point and it worried me. Without saying anything, she walked straight over to me and grabbed a handful of my hair, still holding a beer in the other hand. I widened my eyes and looked at her with a stunned expression. "I could have died. I could've fucking died and the only goddamned thing I could think about was you." I took a sharp, speechless breath before she tossed the beer can and crashed her lips onto mine. One hand travelled to my waist while the other still tugged at my hair. I hesitantly pushed her back, "I-I don't think this is a good way to deal with it either.." I stuttered.

     "Then what is? Because I don't have a fucking clue how I'm feeling, or how the hell I'm supposed to cope with what just happened, or how to be your friend!" She yelled with tears in her eyes while stepping back. I tried to grab her hand to calm her down but she ripped it away from me. "Don't touch me." She whispered. "You've done nothing but send me mixed signals and it's fucking with my head or, better yet, maybe it IS all just in my head. I know this isn't a good time and I should be in shock or something, but I could've died and my only thought was that I'd never see you again. Is that not worth anything?" I stood there speechless. 

     "Janie, that's exactly it, you could have fucking died tonight! This is not the time to talk about things between us or do anything or even drink!" I yelled out of frustration. 

    "Then maybe you should get the fuck out, because I can't look at you right now without wanting you to hold me." She yelled as tears streamed down her cheeks.

     "Goddamnit..." I said under my breath as I caught her in my arms. She slowly sunk to the floor as I held her and laid her head against my chest. I ran my fingers through her hair as she cried. Neither of us were good with talking things out or handling emotions which was easy to see.  I kissed her forehead, causing her to look up at me. "Things are complicated for me, and you know that. It's not in your head. I'm so scatter brained. I just want to be here for you and make sure you're okay." I said comfortingly and honestly. 

    "I know." She said looking from my eyes, to my lips, then back to my eyes. She slowly moved so that her nose was against mine. Our breathing was uneasy and I knew she wasn't going to give up. I mentally gave in as she kissed me softly. I kissed her back and held her against me loosely. Before I knew it, she was pushing me down against the kitchen floor as her hands traveled up my hoodie. I felt a pang of regret as I pictured Jared and Austin sitting at the house concerned about the robbery at the shop. 

   "Janie, I-" She cut me off almost breathlessly.

   "Please, just let me have this." She pleaded, looking into my eyes. I complied and pulled her hair as I started to lose myself in the moment. She kissed from my lips down to my waistline and tugged at the hem of my shorts. It felt like a war was going on between my morality and desires. While Jared and I weren't together or even that intimate, I still just felt guilty for some reason. Yet, on the other hand, I wanted to just forget everything and deal with the consequences as they came. I was torn from my thoughts as she started to pull both my shorts and underwear down. I quickly squirmed out from under her and tried to catch my breath.

    "This isn't right, you're not thinking straight." I said standing up and gathering my stuff. 

    "What!? Yes, I am! Please, don't leave Alex." She said, grabbing my wrist. I broke from her grasp and headed out the door without looking back for fear that I might stay if I didn't leave now. 

     When I parked at the house, I just sat and stared at the garage door for a good five minutes. I didn't want to figure anything out. I didn't want anything TO figure out, quite frankly. A text broke me from my thoughts. It was from Janie. It read, 'I'm okay and I'll be fine by myself. I'm sorry for being so pushy. I love you..' I screamed and threw my phone somewhere towards the backseat out of shear vexation. I was startled when the door in into the garage slowly opened. I thought maybe one of the guys had heard me and woken up, but from what I could see, there was no one there. Paranoid, I decided to wait to look for my phone until morning. I didn't want to be in any position where I couldn't see the opened door at all times. I slowly got out of my car and headed inside. I peaked around corners and tip toed throughout the house, trying to find the cause of the door opening. After about thirty minutes of scaring myself over my own footsteps, I determined it to be a fluke, though I couldn't help but feel unsettled before falling asleep.