Broken

Chapter One

As the tour bus trudged down the wet roads as carefully as it possibly could, I was trembling in my bunk. I had woken up at around two in the morning, having woken up from a horrible nightmare. I was thankful the others hadn't heard me cry out when I snapped out of my dreams, but now I sat alone, recalling the nightmare that was clearly linked to my absurd paranoia. I naturally have nightmares daily, but this one struck much closer to home, hitting my heart in ways others couldn't. I was with the band and we were rock climbing, having a great time, though we lacked equipment. We were holding hands as we went, but slowly started to slip one-by-one and fall to their deaths. It terrifies me, though knowing it won't actually happen. A part of me deeply believes it's because I'm afraid of letting them down. I'm terrified of hurting them, so I bring pain amongst myself. 

My brain is a constant mess of pain and angst, nothing I do can prevent my head from aching. This leads me to harming myself externally, in hopes of directing the mental pain away, knowing the physical harm can actually heal. I believe this practice works, but eventually it acts as a high, gradually bringing me back down to the point where I feel as though I need to do it again. The process repeats and self harm becomes an addiction, causing one to constantly think about it, making it worse than before. It normally gets to a point where not preforming this chore is unusual. I'm simply grateful that my tattoos can mask the scars I lay upon my wrist and a normal pair of pants can cover my thighs. If the others knew, they'd perhaps kick me out of the band.

I'm confident that my friends are getting exhausted of dealing with all my issues; I'm the baggage that weighs down on their shoulders. They're constantly telling me they'll be there for me in my time of need, but in realty, they must just be saying these things to try and cheer up their fellow bandmate, careers on the line, and to stop my complaining, but my issues will never go away. They are permanently etched into my brain, but for the majority of my life, I've been able to protect myself by staying in denial of everything. After years of avoiding it all, I had to break and it was something that caused a ripple effect on my entire life. I became self destructive with the drugs and cutting, but it came to an end when I found the band that saved my life.

When I joined Linkin Park, I had no idea that these guys would not just help me pay my bills, but become my best friends and the people that meant the most in my life. They welcomed me into the band as though I was family and we all stuck together perfectly, thanks to Mike.

Mike was always the glue that held the band together. Whenever we were in a silly argument, he'd step in and end the fight before it could get out of control. Of course we have arguments with him too occasionally, but he'd always put his foot down and show his dominance; not to mention he's always there for me when I need him. When I joined the band, he took me under his wing and we became the closest pair of friends anyone has ever seen. He's always sticking his leg out for me and I feel as though he does too much for me.

"Chester? Are you awake?" Mike asks me, peaking into my bunk. I nodded my head and he sighed. "Can't sleep either, huh?"

"Nope," I reply, not wanting to tell him about my nightmare.

"Do you want to do something? The bus is about to park in a few minutes for about an hour or so; the driver wants to take a break," He informs me. I nod my head and he takes my hand, pulling me out of the bunk. Thankfully, he hadn't touched my scars over my tattoos - no pain came to me. He tossed me some of my clothes as he begins changing into his own. Mike was right as always and the bus parked soon after we both got dressed.

"Hey, Bob. Chester and I are going to go do something for a while. Don't leave without us," Mike tells the driver as we exited the bus.

"Alright, we have to take off soon, so don't be long," Bob informs us. We leave the bus and step in the rain; of course I forgot about the weather. Mike takes out a black umbrella and opens it, covering both of our heads. I thank him, grinning. Mike always seems to think of everything.

"Where are we?" I ask him. We randomly stopped and I hadn't been paying attention, but knowing Mike, he'd definitely know.

"Somewhere in Europe," He answers, which baffles me at how vague his reply was.

"Are you feeling okay?" I question him, sensing something was up.

"What makes you assume something's wrong?" He attempts to shove off my question. I give him a glare and he rolls his eyes. "Fine. If you must know, Anna and I are getting a divorce."

"What?! Why?" I ask him in confusion. Anna and Mike appeared to be the perfect couple. Of course that's what people thought about Talinda and I, but that ended horribly.

"She cheated on me," He answers bluntly, clearly not wanting to talk about it further. We walked along for nearly a half an hour in silence, my mind bustling with thoughts of Mike and his soon-to-be ex wife.

"I'm sorry I asked, Mike-"

"We should get back," he interrupts me and walks away, leaving me alone. For the first time ever, he just left me. I wanted to help Mike. I knew how hard it was to get through a divorce - I've been through it twice and he's acting as though I don't understand, although the band doesn't even know Talinda and I aren't together anymore. By the time I made it back to where the bus was previously parked, it was gone.

"Fucking hell," I swore to myself at my luck. Mike had taken the umbrella with him and I found a bench to sit on while I became completely soaked by the rain. Knowing by how easily I get sick, I'll probably have a cold tomorrow.