Broken

Chapter Five

Chester's point of view:

Mike and I are officially together now. I honestly don't know what to think. He's been my best friend since I met him and he's always been there for me, but I couldn't remember when I began to feel differently about him. I know I love him, I just don't remember when that all started. I have a few ideas about this, but none are for sure.

I believe I may have begun feeling romantically about him when Talinda left me. She was cheating on me, of course I didn't know with whom at the time, but I didn't have the strength to leave her. She was the one who called it off with me. It doesn't make much sense, but it's how it all happened.

Anyway, I was hurting. I still am, things like this don't just go away, but it was worse at the time. Mike didn't know my marriage had failed, but he still knew the right words to say.

"Chaz, I know you. I know you won't tell me what's wrong, but I'm always here for you. I love you, man. Whatever this is about will go away with time and I'll be there for you all the way."

He kept his promise. He was there all the way until he just left me in the rain yesterday. That's why I am hurting so much more now. It was always bad, but it's getting worse again. He promised he wouldn't leave me and yet he broke that and turns his back on me. I know he's hurting too about Anna but we could've worked it out together if he just stayed with me.

I sighed deeply and climbed out of my bunk. The show last night went great, another sold out show. All the fans and the entire crowd had lifted my spirits and I couldn't quit grinning until now. When something gets lifted, it can only fall down even harder. Random thoughts would always come back to me and threatened to take over my mind.

Pushing away all my negative thoughts, I got dressed, taking my time. It was another restless night, roughly two in the morning. I don't know why I keep waking up or why I keep having all these nightmares. They're literally killing me.

Another thought pops into my head as I exit the bus. Mike had said that he heard me having nightmares every night. Wouldn't that mean that the other guys would hear me too? The thought that the others didn't actually care about me brought stinging tears to my eyes.

They just care about their precious band. They don't actually care about me. They filled me up with all their sweet lies and Mike just said he loved me only to make me feel better again. It's all lies. He and the rest of them know I'm breaking and that called for drastic measures. If the band fails, they'll all turn they're backs on me and everything will feel like hell - I mean high school again.

"Look, it's the dork!"

"Still sad that mommy left and daddy doesn't care, eh?"

"Druggie!"

"Emo!"

"Gay lord!"

"Why don't you just continue to slit your wrists and starve yourself? Maybe eventually you'll die!"

"Stop! Shut up! Please, just stop! I'm begging you, go away! Get away from me!" I shouted out in the middle of nowhere before falling to my knees and allowing warm tears to burn my eyes and flow down my skin. I had been walking with no aim and now I had no idea where I was. I wish Mike was here, I need him.

"Anorexic!"

"Is he goth? Look at his clothes! He always wears black!"

"What a fucking freak, no wonder why his mom left."

"What?! No, it's not my fault! Please, say it's not my fault! Oh god, it's all my fault!" I yelled, curling up into a ball on the cold ground as my breathing quickened and I hiccuped from all the tears.

"No one wants you! That's why your dad is always working and why your mom left!"

"Stop! Please, leave me alone!" I cried, covering my ears with my hands. The ball I made with my body tightened as I gasped and my eyes shut tight. I exhaled sharply before getting extremely dizzy and passing out.

"Oh, Chazzy... Did the kids at school beat you up again?"

"M-maybe,"

"Come here, I can make it better."

"N-no, please don't touch me!"

"Why not, Chazzy?"

"Please, just don't,"

"Maybe if you beg on your knees,"

"W-what?"

"I said get on your fucking knees!"

"Ouch!"

"Shut up,"

"Ow, please stop! Please! Okay, okay, I'm on my knees."

"Stop crying!"

"Ouch!"

"Chester? Ches, wake up!" Mike's voice pricked at my ears. I snapped awake and realized I was still in the middle of nowhere.

"Wh-where am I?" I asked with a shaky voice.

"I don't know and I don't care. I just know that I'm so fucking happy I found you, I was so worried! I'm going to call the bus and they'll pick us up and take you to the hospital." He explained, giving me a light kiss on my forehead. I looked to the ground, not sure what to think or why they're taking me into the hospital anyway. Why does Mike even care about me?

"This morning we woke up to see you weren't on the bus. Bob almost left without you again, but we realized you weren't there in time. We tried calling you but we couldn't even get to your voicemail. I went running around everywhere, searching for you, until I found you asleep in the middle of nowhere, having another nightmare.

"We're going to the hospital because I don't want you to have these nightmares anymore. They're taking over your brain and I can tell you've developed insomnia." Mike answered with a sigh full of something I think is pity.

"Mike, there's nothing wrong. We don't have to go to the hospital, just have the bus pick us up and we'll go to the next destination," I replied. If I'm going to suffer, I want it to be real. I don't want people filling me with their sweet lies, telling me that they care when they really don't.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive,"

"Um... Okay," He sighed again, clearly not approving of my decision.