Broken

Chapter Sixteen

Mike's Point of View:

Holding Chester in my arms is the best feeling in the world. I absolutely adored hearing his heart beating against mine as he heavily slept on top of me. I felt so sorry for him, he hadn't slept well lately. His entire mind seems to be consumed of nightmares and I don't understand why. He hasn't had this bad of nightmares in such a long time.

Yet, here I am, lying in our hotel room with him. The other guys went out in town to have a little fun and offered us to come with after the concert had ended. Chester passed, claiming he was tired and I chose to stay behind to watch over him while he slept. He needs someone there for him and no matter how much he begged me not to stay with him and miss out on the fun, I wanted to stick around and cherish the time I was able to spend with him.

It only took being away from him to realize just how much he meant to me. I felt so horrible for hitting him and hurting him, I'll never forget the pain in his quiet voice when he told me to leave. That hurt me probably as much as it hurt him. When I hadn't gotten the chance to see him all night long, I was wracked with worry that I would've lost him forever. I wanted to end it with him before he could leave me.

I realized that I was actually the selfish one throughout all this. Chester's hurting. He's in so much pain that he's willing to hurt himself. I just hate watching him be so broken. I want to save him and build him back up but if I do, what would happen if he broke all the way back down?

Suddenly I begin thinking about that book Chester was writing in when he was younger. Was the nightmares he was having related to the past? I glanced over to my bag where his book should still be. I questioned myself weather I should tell him I have it or not. I bit my bottom lip and sighed inwardly. Not right now, I want to read through it more first. There are things in there he never told me and probably never will if I don't find out for myself.

I looked down at Chester as I felt a sudden urge to skim through his book once again. Slowly, I began to untangle our legs and arms that were mended together and I shifted carefully so I wouldn't wake him. His body gently slid off mine and onto the bed. I smiled softly at the sight of him. He was just too cute while he was asleep. I contemplated taking a picture of him with my phone and voted against it. I felt it was in a way disrespectful

I slipped off the bed and quietly took the book from my bag. I walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind me, flicking on the lights. When the guys had left at around 9pm, I just watched Chester sleep, now it's almost 1am. I eyed the cover and opened up to the page I left off. A small piece of paper was stuck between the bindings of where I stopped reading last time. I cocked my head before taking it out of the book.

--

Mike.

Stop reading this. I love you to death but you could've just asked me to show you the book or talk to you about this stuff. I trust you, but I'm going to ask you to not ask me about this immediately. Give me a few hours or even days after you read this. Please don't read further either. I'll tell you everything you need to know, just stop reading my book. I don't want you to hear these things from a past me, I want you to hear it in person. The things of the past are hard to live with but I'm dealing so don't worry about me, Mikey.

I love you with my entire soul, but please obey my wishes and hear the things of the past from me of the present.

-Chester

--

I froze. He knows I know. Shit. How did he find out? I thought he didn't even remember this book existed! I wonder if Phoenix told him about it. A part of me wishes I could hear Chester's story from first person point of view from the past but another piece of me is thankful I can hear it the way Chester remembers it. The only things that matter are the things that are picking him apart.

I slipped the small paper into my pocket and walked out of the bathroom to see Chester sitting on the bed, awake. I flicked on the light and saw he was watching me. With book in hand, I carefully set it on the nightstand next to the bed. I handed him the paper and looked at him uneasily.

"We should talk about this later," I said quietly as he took the note he wrote me from my hand. His eyes looked watery and he set it wearily on top of the book. He looked back at me and I glanced between him and the book. "I'm sorry I read through it, Chester."

"It's okay, I just... I just really hate that thing." He sighed and rubbed his eyes with his hand to wash the tears away. I sat on the bed next to him and set my arms around him, gently cradling his small body back and forth. He sniffled and exhaled shakily.

"Why do you hate it, Ches?" I asked and he leaned into my chest more, closing his eyes.

"It makes me remember," He said quietly and I slightly tightened my grip on him more firmly. Why would he keep this book if it reminded him of things that hurt him? I'll ask soon enough but for right now, he just needs comfort and that's what I'm going to give him.