Broken

Chapter Twelve

Mike's POV:

He's okay, he's just with the doctor, you'll see him in a few minutes. I attempted to calm myself but all I could think about was the fact that Chester was finally awake. I sat by his side for weeks, not leaving once. They tried to make me, but I wouldn't dare to listen to their orders. They caved and allowed me to stay.

Three weeks. I went three weeks without my Chazzy and now I'm not even allowed to see him. My heart is beating a thousand times a minute. They told me he was dead. They told me they were going to pull the plug. They were going to kill him! The more I thought about it, the more paranoid I became. What if the doctor is planning on hurting Chester?! What if the guys wanted him dead? What if-

"Mr. Shinoda," The devil doctor interrupted my thoughts. My gaze snapped to him and he gestured me to come to him.

"Is he okay?!" I instantly breathed out, wanting to grasp the doctors arm and shake him until he speaks.

"Mr. Shinoda," he repeats, ignoring my question. "Has Mr. Bennington showed any signs of depression or suicide?"

"What?!" I gasped and widened my eyes. "No! Chester's not suicidal, he would never leave me like that. And he's the happiest person ever! No way would he have depression,"

"Are you sure, Mr. Shinoda?" He asked and I thought again. I suddenly remembered the book and the fact that his wife left him not long ago. But... He wouldn't go back to this stuff. He has me, aren't I enough?

"I'm not sure," I murmured an looked him in the eyes, feeling fear rushing through me.

"We have found wounds, or cuts, leading all the way down his leg, from thigh to ankle. He has quite a few on his wrists too, right over his tattoos, making them hard to find. Because of this, we have reason to believe that the overdose was a suicide attempt." He explained to me, glancing at his clip board every now and then.

"N-No," I felt my eyes brimming with tears. Chester wouldn't hurt himself. The things I read in the book was a different Chester. This isn't my Chester.

"Would you like to see him?" He asked and I nodded quickly, following him into the room. He gave a soft smile and left.

"Chaz, how could you?" I asked him quietly, eyeing his arms that were covered by blankets. I approached him and set a hand on his hidden arm, watching him stiffen when I touched him.

"What?" He said weakly, his eyes heavy. I assume he didn't know the doctors found out his secret.

"Chester, how could you hurt yourself?!" I suddenly snapped and yanked his arm up, seeing the scars clearly for the first time. My eyes watered and tears fell down my cheeks as I saw how harsh he was on himself. There were so many lines that looked so deep, I couldn't take it.

"I-"

"No." I interrupted. "I thought you were someone else, Chaz. I'm sorry but I can't do this."

"C-can't do what? Mike, I need you! I love you!" He cried, causing me to look him in the eyes. It felt like I could just see his heart breaking but so was mine.

"Chester, I love you. But I can't be with you, knowing you're hurting yourself and that there's nothing I can do. This breaks my heart just as much as it breaks yours." I told him, becoming more angry than saddened by this.

"Mike-"

"You're so selfish, Chester. What was going through your mind when you were doing this to yourself?! 'Oh, it's just a little scratch, not like my boyfriend cares,' Well you know what, I do care! But I can't care anymore," I snapped and hit him across the face.

"Oh god, Chester, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it, I-"

"Get out," He whispered, barely audible to my ears. Him being quiet was way worse than him screaming at me. I messed up. I totally messed up, I can't believe it. I love him. I hurt him. I instantly regret everything I've just done.

Without saying another word to him, I left. I was so eager to see him awake after sitting by his side for weeks and yet this one little problem he has had completely turned me off and forced me to push him away. Maybe I don't love him after all. Maybe all of this was just one huge mistake.

--

I went back to the hotel and packed up Chester's things quickly, trying to do it without looking at his stuff so I don't have to think about it. I sighed and felt like a huge jerk as I wrote a note.

'Chester,

This is your stuff. I'm not ready to see you yet and I'm honestly not sure if I ever will want to see you again. I'm sorry for everything, I wish things could've gone differently. I thought I loved you but I was wrong. It was all a huge mistake and I'm sure you see that now too. I regret getting back together, I wish we could still be friends but I don't think that's a good idea.

So, see you later, or probably not.

-Mike'

I set his bag out the door, setting the note on top of it. I sighed deeply once again and locked myself in the room. I took a long hour shower in hot water and settled in bed, feeling miserable. I looked to where Chester was supposed to sleep, right by my side. A tear fell down my face as I set a pillow straight up and another circular pillow on top of it, kind of looking like a body with a head.

"Goodnight, Ches," I said quietly and kissed the circle shaped pillow, hugging the pillow that acted as a human frame tightly.

--

"Mike, open the damn door this instant!" Brad'd voice suddenly boomed, snapping me awake as bangs from the door erupted.

"Go away," I moaned tiredly and the door broke open, surprising me. Was the building on fire or something?! We have to get Chaz out of here! Chester- Then I remembered he wasn't here with me. Brad stomped in and grabbed me by the shirt.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" He yelled, holding the note I wrote to Chester in his hand. I forgot the other guys were staying here too.

"I-"

"No! I can't believe you! Chester's already hurting and then you break his heart and his face!" He snapped, his grip on me tightening.

"What the fuck are you talking about?! Let go of me, Brad!" I growled and he let me go but watched me carefully.

"I'm talking about the huge bruise you left on his cheek! What the hell is wrong with you?! And then I come back to find this," He shakes the note in front of my face. "Do you know what would've happened if Chester saw this?!"

"He would've-"

"Shut the fuck up!" He snapped and looked like he was just a second away from back-handing me. "You're such a fucking jerk! The other guys are pissed at you too, you know!"

"Chester was fucking hurting himself!" I screamed at him and saw his features go into shock and soften.

"...What?" Brad asked softly, clearly no one else was told about Chester's little habit.

"He cuts himself, Brad. He is selfish and doesn't care about the people around him. He deserved getting hit," I shook my head before focusing my eyes on a figure in the door frame. My heart broke as I saw Chester standing there, looking broken and hurt all over again. Brad turned around and saw him.

"Chester-" Brad couldn't speak any further as Chester ran out of the room and down the hall, tears in his eyes.