Lifes Fate

11

It's been a long time since I really appreciated rain. Feeling the cold on my skin. It's almost peaceful. The rumble in the sky and the bright bolts keep the world awake. I dont know how any of this is going to work. But it will "it seems you've manage to keep relative peace around here"
"I dont want to be queen Toby"
"I know"
"Why did you allow me to come here? Why do you want this so bad?"
"I promised your parents I'd always protect you. And I will... I met Albert... and Justin when they'd arranged your betrothal... they'd come a few times before it was arranged. Albert is based around greed. He'll expect something from helping you"
"Well I can't give him much anymore... all I can give is land once its won"
"Do you ever wonder what your life would have been if the attack hadn't happened?"
"I used to have nightmares about it... my husband... they wasn't good dreams"
"And now you've met him? Do you think them nightmares would have been reality?"
"I dont think Justins a bad man... I have a lot of respect for him actually"
He smiles "once... I knew a little girl who only ever wanted a friend. I couldn't necassirily be her friend... but I could be someone for her to talk to... and I remember you once talked to me about meeting a boy"
"What?"
"Yeah... I remember you pretending to dance with him when you thought no one was looking. And you pretended that you walked down the aisle to him. Played mums and dads with your dolls... old Frank was pulled about a lot by you!" I laugh. I remember dressing him up. I never remember having an imaginary husband! "I always thought you'd make the best kind of wife... now, I understand that... you dont actually need to be a wife. You dont need a husband to show you the way"
I smile and take his hand "thank you"
He kisses my hand "dont thank me for my truth Trish... you're the closest thing I've known to family. And I will respect any decision, you, make... you have 3 kings willing to fight with you and you're the one leading them! So, if you try tell me that your not meant to be a queen again. Me and you young lady will fall out"
I'm hardly leading them. More like making sure everyone lives to get there.
"Your parents would have been proud of you Trish"
"You know, I never really... I didnt see them as dead... our relationship was... well nonexsistant... I almost expect them still to be at the palace off reading somewhere"
"That was their loss Trish" I dont think they would have been proud. I dont even know if they'd give me the time of day once I was married off. They certainly couldnt be bothered when they were alive
"The storms coming in fast... why dont you come inside and we can find you somewhere to sleep?"
I shake my head "no... I'm going to stay out here for a while... you go in. I just need to think"
"Alright... dont stay in the rain please" he kisses my head and heads inside.
I look at the trees. Remembering being on the horse and running through the woods. Running away from my home. Running away from being a princess. From being a child... running away from everything!
And my feet go. My legs push me. Faster than I've been in a long time. Running at the trees until I'm passing them. Weaving my way through the veins of the forrest. The smell of the damp ground and wood. Its my peace.
And I dont know how long I run like that for. I dont know how far I've come. But I cant bring myself to stop. I'm much further than I should be. But I cant stop. My chest is killing me from needing to rest. And I want to throw up. But it means nothing.
I fall to the ground. Skidding along, feeling the cuts on my face, hands and knees.
And I just lie there in a puddle.
It's all gone. I'm fighting for a lost life. I'm bringing in so many people to the place that I've already lost so much.
They were my parents! And we just left them!
I remember the smell of them. I remember the heat that come from them. The eyes that were none exsistant! They ruined that life!
They took! So much!
And damn it, want it or not! Their not keeping it!

"Trish!"
"My queen!"
I hear them. But I don't call back. I don't even move to find them. I'm to tired. The library was always so warm. No one went in because it smelt like dust. My father was the only one other than me to enjoy it.
"Patrisha Redgrave?!"
"Yeah! Because theres going to be many Trishas out in the forrest isn't there dipshit!"
"Well, you were meant to be finding her!" My mum always lost me. She hated my favourite game as a child and I remember playing it with her once and she got so mad!
"I have! Shes close... but the rains just... its making it hard. Trish?!"
"What if she doesnt want to be found"
I dont care if I'm found. I dont care if I'm not. I'm just here. This isn't like the old games
"Will you two stop! I dont care who either of you are! She's out here and if you don't actually start doing something about it! Im going to fucking put you both in a sick bed!"
"Whats that?..  I can smell blood..."
"Trish? Oh god! Trish!" I hear them run through the puddles. Hear their heavy feet. And some hands picking me out of the puddle "Trish! What the hell are you doing?! You're freezing!" Pip pulls me onto his lap and wraps his coat around the pair of us "what you doing our here Trish? Hmm?" I dont know. He always was in trouble with his dad. But he could never stay mad. I could!
"Whats wrong with her? Is she sick?"
My hair gets slicked back from my face "She's hit her head"
"I've seen her like this before. Shes in shock. Just give her time to warm up"
Shock? No... I'm not.
"Whats she in shock about?" Im not in shock Justin
"Whenever Trish... she sometimes takes herself back to Tiscan, in her mind... she relives it all and she just... this"
"What did she see for it still to be so bad?"
"How about her home and family be torn apart dipshit!"
"Enough! She doesnt need this from either of you!" He pulls me about and stands. Holding me in his arms "we need get her warm"
"We cant build a fire. Its too wet... the best chance we have it back at the castle"
"To far... we need to find something else"
"What do you suggest?"
Justin groans "can you... track, anywhere around? A cave or something"
"Maybe... its not as easy as that though"
"Whats not?"
"I cant just think, scent cave! Dipshit! Its hard, but I'll do what I can. Wait here"
Something gets put over me and I just get this smell. Its just so earthly. So familiar.
"Prince Justin, your going to get hypothermia"
"And she needs to warm up. Dont worry about me"
I start feeling my arms shaking. My lips trembling "I didnt think about the kind of hell you've both been through"
"Hell"
"Trish?" I sob into Pips chest "I got you. Your ok" he holds me tighter "we're going to get you warm soon... what were you thinking running out here in only your shirt? Your not that stupid"
I needed to run.
"I've found a cave we might be able to start a fire in. How is she?"
"Not good. Lets go?"

"Help me get her clothes off"
"What?!"
"Her clothes are wet dipshit! Theyll keep her cold. Dont thinking so much into this. Your fucking dick stinks when your excited!"
"Im not!"
"Sure! Tell you what! You get a fire going. We'll deal with her"
The soggy materials peeled from me and the air bites me tight. Making me gasp and cling to Pips shirt "I'm not letting go of you"
The cave lights up and I'm moved towards it. Its not hot. But I can feel the difference. I'm laid down and the ground feels softer than before. Like im on a bed. I curl my hands up in the material and open my eyes its a coat... they made a bed out of my coats ans shirts
"Will she be alright?"
"Yeh... shes not as delicate as you think"
"Your good to her" Justin acknowledges.
"Of course I am. I love the girl"
"Your in love with her?"
"No, I didnt say that... she saved my life. She was the reason I left the castle... shes reason I didnt go back... I lost my father and that was... that was- that was hard... she lost so much more than me! And the worst thing is... the only time she ever showed it effect her, was when shes like this. Not once have I seen her cry. Not once"
"I have" Harjo. Hes obviously right behind me "that's how I found her... she saw you crying Pip... I didnt know what to do! I had this little blond girl crying and all I could was stare at her... and when she saw me... she didnt run. She didnt scream. She stood up and... and she said 'then kill me'. I have never been more compelled to protect anyone like I did her! I morphed back into my body and... and she just stood there" I remember. The giant wolf that turned into a man. Who kept me save the whole night before taking me back home.
"She saw me crying?"
"Yeah... yeah and when she eventually started to talk. She said 'Why can I not cry for the people I was meant to love like him. Why didnt I love them enough' damn near tour my own heart out... I felt love for her... and as she got older well... I fell head over heals"
"I dont have memories of her like that"
"Course not. You've only met when been made of a broken girl"
"No... no, I've met her before" he has? When? "She was only a little girl. 6 maybe? My father had made me ride to Tiscan, and the second I walked through the gates. A little girl... the blond hair... ran right under my horse. Butt naked. Drenched. Run straight under neath" he laughs "scared the hell out of everyone and... and she just laughed the whole time. Someone from the stable grabbed her and she just laughed" Pips dad "then the doors opened and the king went mad. The little girl that was laughing at the face of danger just broke down because shed upset him. Then at dinner she came in, tear stained, she looked a wreck!... but shit she was the most beautiful little thing. Wore this horrible yellow dress with green sleeve. And i think that day. I promised myself that one day I would make sure she never cried like she had been and she'd never have to wear anything that didn't make her perfect... when I heard about the castle. The Orcs. My father wanted to wait it out. But I had to know. I didnt believe she was dead but... I had to... if I carried on looking for her... for both of you... she wouldnt have to be in this fight"
"This fight was going to happen if you found her or not. She was always going to end up back home. She was always vengful" Pip chuckles "shit! I couldnt take one of her arrows without her snapping my blade"
Harjo laughs "oh yes... she fucking broke my tail because I tore her dress"
"Because I never found her. She wants another man"
"Nah! She was always going to want me. If you found her or not" he really does have the worst timing.