Record 17: To Be Free And To Fly High

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by __assi

by __assi

Dear life,

Are you happy about what happening to me? Why you're so unfair? Why do I need to met people I only end up losing one day? Why I need to met people who constantly repeating the past for me?

I'm depressed..

But who can understand that, if they always said it was only in my mind that I'm depressed.

I see no colors, I felt lonely for no reason.

I keep controlling the feeling, hiding it. But when I'm alone, the energy of faking made me very tired, that I felt so drained.

I really want to become a blessing, but why... Why I have to feel like this.

I missed being young, seeing the future beautiful and bright.

But while grew up, I laughed at the same time cried. I lost many things. I'm not growing.

I know, a part of my teenager became so nice and I felt joyful of worshipping God.

That made my mind of following Him until here.

But, may be I choose the wrong truck and fall.

All of my life I did not question God about everything that happened to me. But I did not know that I will come to this point of my life that I really don't understand the things that is going on in my life. I was tempted to ask God what is happening. Why I have tl experience all of these. Why my past is always repeating, the only changing js the people who did those to me. Am not yet an overcomer Lord? Am I still weak and fragile? Is this transparent to others that they knew how to attack me?

Where were you Lord when I need you? I know your an all presence God, please, let me feel you. So that I knew what to do in my life.

I want to love myself, and I want to feel that I am loved, I am accepted. I don't want to belittled again, I don't want to hear hurtful words again.

I don't want to keep proving myself to others and still they will not change their mind.

Why Iam here? Why I'm still here? Duro na duro na ang pagkatao ko pero bakit I keep staying and following them? And why would I feel this way if God is whom I am serving. Why there is a lot of sacrifices and tears?

How to be strong and stand all over again, be bold and keep the faith? I will never ever will disown my God, I only want to be back, back again to his arms. Understand everything in my life.

To feel free and fly.