A Believer: Blessed (Vol. 3)

Record 36: Learning From A Child

Today is July 11, 2020.

And I want to share my reflection on the vlog of Delilah Loeppky from YouTube. I have been watching her since zechariah, my son was still swimming in my uterus. And I have been following her for more than a year now. She influences my perspective in life, especially on how I handle my baby or my family.

Today she taught me things I have been longing to hear and learn for myself.

The day Zechariah was born, I am pretty sure of how a mother I would like to be. I want to give him my full attention and care. To give him the love and comfort he needs. To play with him and to teach him things he will be needing in the future.

But, lately I became so exhausted of wanting to become productive in my work and for my family.

I want things to get done. I want to do a lot of things in my mind, and try to set aside my child and play with his dad. And when we have time alone, I let him play alone and do my work. I give him toys or my phone to watch educational videos. I put him to sleep so I could do my work.

But sometimes he become a bit grumpy. When he cannot do something like connecting his toys. When he cannot get his ball. Or when he wants to go outside but mommy is still doing her work inside.

My son wanted to explore. He loves picking flowers, stones or things that caught his attention. He loves to play with our neighbour's dogs. He get excited when he sees them. He loves bathing in a bathtub. (it felt like swimming pool to him - though I know he doesn't know what swimming pool is like yet.) He get excited about it. He cries when he sees us making him milk. (I don't know if he get it that we are ALREADY making him milk for him to drink?) He still cry.

He likes chansing games and hide and seek. He likes to put his toys into his mouth. (He always want to taste them) That's why I always sanitised his toys.

He likes writing, he holds pen like a pro and try to write lines. (take note he is still 13 months old.) Maybe because he saw us doing it, especially me. I observed he is learning quickly, like how to use comb, he tries combing his hair when he holds one. He know what is phone for, putting it in his ear and says 'ah? ' (like hello?). One time he saw his daddy's shade and he tried it on, but it's too big to fit his face, kaya nasa leeg na niya at feeling na niya ay nakasuot na ito sa tama nitong kalalagyan.

One time I teach him how to put his hand together to pray. And everytime now, when we said 'let us pray', he will do it alone and wait until we utter 'Amen' and he will clap his hands.

He knows when he is being praise and when I get angry with him. He will look at me, then look away then look at me again. Hindi ko lang siya kayang tiisin. I hug him when I know he noticed me being angry. Because my child didn't know when we are scolding him. When he holds things that is not for him to hold, and when we said 'no' or we try to stop him. He will just do it again and smile. Ako lang ata ang unang iniyakan niya dahil na-notice na niya na nagagalit ako. After n'on ay alam na niya kapag napapagalitan siya. Pero ngayong one year old na siya. Kasi may kilala akong, 7 months palang na bata alam nang mapagalitan, I mean kapag nagkunwaring nagagalit ka sa kanya, umiiyak na siya at hindi naging ganoon si zechariah.

And lately, he become so demanding. Which is normal lang naman sa isang bata. He like to be held kapag naghuhugas ako o nagluluto. Because of one thing, he wanted to watched of what I am doing. He just love and behaving when I held him and let him watch the things I am doing.

In relation to Delilah, she just put into words the things I needed to cope up with my son. Because I felt, I am lacking as a parent. I get tired of work and I have no time for my son, because when I home, I just want to rest. I'm glad my husband plays with him most of the time.

These are the lessons she learned from her children, Eloise and Theo. A 3 years old that made her laugh, and a one year old that made her melt as she describe them.

She learned from them to :

Slow down,

And I need to do the same. I always wanted to do a lot of things. To be productive, but sometimes Zechariah is holding me back. Wanting my attention. And I think that id the advice I need for those moment. I need to slow down because this moment will never happened again. He will grow old, and he may wanted to be independent and not needing our help anymore even if how much we offer them. I knew that because that's how I felt when my mother was trying to help me. I always wanted to do it alone, I am a big girl already. And I always regret when I rejected her help because I am guilty of hurting her feelings.

Delilah added, 'live the moment' for that reason I have mentioned above. It is okaynot to be productive and live the moment. As when I grow old, I will not regret that I didn't wash dishes before  but I will regret that I did not play with my child before. She also said.

And that left a big message for me. In my situation now with my child.

That's is so true, I will not regret that I did not clean our house, but I will regret that I didn't play enough with my child. Because when he grow up, he will have his own decisions and interests. He will not like to play with us anymore. And that is so sad to think.

Another things is to be thankful in little things, to become selfless, to have faith like a little child which she inserted bible verses, and to be kind.

Our children needs us. In their early age we are building them foundation they will carry when they grow up. Our action towards them now, will greatly affect their attitude in the future.

When Zechariah was still in my tummy, I prayed to God that he will not become like me -emotionally weak and low self esteemed. I prayed that he will become strong, bold and wise. Na hindi rin siya mapagmataas o mangapak ng kapwa. That he will follow God's will sa buhay niya.

And I needed to change my actions towards him. I should influence him in good ways. To discipline him by not lowing his self esteem. To make him realise where he is wrong and not to do it next time. And no one is pro about parenting. There will always be differences. But we are responsible for growing our child into the person he should be. The person God wanted him/her to be.

I am praying to God that He will help me. Siya amg aking gabay para magawa ang mga dapat para sa aking (mga) anak at pamilya.

Sa mga first time nanay na katulad ko, walang impossible sa Diyos. Kaya natin to!