Shipwrecked (Lawlorff)

I

(Sam's POV)

A year has gone by since Connor left o2l, and a lot has happened. Jc and Lia started going out shortly before he left, and are soon celebrating their one year anniversary. I'm excited for him, since they've lasted so long. Ricky's been acting weirdly around us, as if we aren't even his friends anymore. At first we thought it was seperation anxiety from Connor, but it's persisted for far too long to be of that cause. We've tried to help him out, see what's going on, but all he does is shut us out. Trevor's busy planning his worldwide tour where he's opening up for Lady Gaga. We're excited for him, especially since its LADY GAGA, whom he loves very much. As for me, Kian and I have become close friends again. I'm happy to have him back in my life, but it hurts me to see him going through various breakups. After him and Andrea broke up, he was very sad all the time. I constantly had to comfort the poor boy, which hurt me even more. I've always cared about him a hell of a lot more than I've cared about myself, and he has no idea. To be completely honest, I've liked him since early 2013, but Andrea found out. She came in and threw herself on Kian, literally, at a party, and then they dated for a year. It crushed me. I guess that's why they call it a crush, because that's exactly how you feel when they're with someone else. Besides, Kian's straight. I have no chance. I guess I have to try and move on, maybe there'll be come cuties on the cruise with us. I discovered that I'm bisexual when Kian and I accidentally kissed. It wasn't on purpose, but I wanted it to be. It was beyond perfect, and I still think about it every day. 

"SAM!" Kian yells, running into my room carrying a suitcase in one hand. Oh shit, I forgot to pack. His face drops, seeing as it's 3pm and I'm just in bed. Little does he know, I'm laying in bed like this late at night too, thinking about him. 

"You haven't packed yet?!" he asks, sitting by my feet on the bed. I pull off the covers and try to sit upwards, but Kian pushes me back onto the bed. He giggles and hugs me. 

"No, Sam. I can see that you're tired. I'll pack for you."

He's so thoughtful. He breaks the hug and leaves me laying in my previous position under the covers. He smiles big, revealing what perfect white teeth he has, and tucks me into the bed. 

"You're such a gem," I tease, laughing.

He winks and grabs the empty suitcase I've placed last night beside my bed. He picks it up and puts it down at my feet and unzips it. Nothing is inside, so he goes over to my closet. 

"As if you'll find anything in there," I say, "I need new clothes."

He pulls out a shirt he bought me years ago. "Awwwwww Sammy! You kept this?!"

I blush. What am I supposed to say? 'Hell yeah I kept it I love you'?

"Yeah.."

Kian smiles again and puts it in the bag. Does he really think it still fits me? I only kept it because I'm in love with him, not because it's my go to night out clothes.

Although, I have been able to fit into some of my very old clothes recently. I have developed an eating disorder ever since Kian and Andrea first started going out, and I haven't exactly been able to stop. I stopped eating altogether, but Jc noticed and made me eat. I eat in front of the boys, but throw it up in the bathroom. I guess it's just a side effect of being in love, feeling like you're worthless.

Kian throws a few more random tank tops and t-shirts in the bag, and I guess I'm going to have to wear bracelets, he didn't pick any long sleeve tops. I've cut myself since I first started getting hated in 2012, and I still do. My life just keeps getting worse, so my arm is lined with scars. 

"You look good in this one," Kian says as he tosses a blue cable knit sweater I got from Abercrombie&Fitch years ago.

I blush immediately. Did that really just happen?! YOU LOOK GOOD IN THIS ONE. I'm probably overreacting. Shit, he can probably tell I'm overreacting. 

"Sam, you okay?" he asks, suddenly dropping on the bed beside me, looking concerned.

I blink. How long have I been thinking about this? 

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"No, Sammy. You look like you're going to pass out," he immediately rushes to my head and holds it upward, making sure I don't faint.

"I really am fine, Kian."

Kian rolls his eyes. "Yeah, you always say that. But sometimes you don't mean it.." he mumbles.

What was that? What did he mean?

"W-What?" 

"Nothing." 

He grabs more things out of my drawers but I'm too focused on what he said to see what he packs. What did he mean?!?

He zips the suitcase up, and sits beside me on the bed.

"You don't always have to be so brave, Sam. You can tell me if you're not okay.."

I gulp. He knows, doesn't he?

"I'm okay when you're with me," I say, which is 100% true. Whenever Kian's around, I instantly feel better. He's better than any therapy money can buy.

Kian smiles and takes my hand, helping me up and out of the bed.

"I'll drive you to the dock," he says, trailing the suitcase and his behind him.

"I can take one of these," I say, reaching for my suitcase, but he slaps my hand away.

"No, I got it."

We get in his car and we start going to the dock where the ship is at. It's awhile away, so we have a bit of a road trip ahead of us. But being in a car with Kian for the next 30 minutes, alone, is all I need right now.