Red vs Blue Season 1

Episode 2

Red Base

Scout jumps from the top of the base and walks up to Sarge, while Grif and Simmons are walking slowly up to them.

Scout: What's up?

Sarge: I'd love to tell you Scout when my (angry) other lazy soldiers get here. Hurry up, ladies! This is no ice cream social.

Simmons: Ice cream social?

Grif: Sarge why do you call us ladies and not the actual lady a lady?

Sarge: Because Scout is more of a man than you two combined!

Grif and Simmons exchange looks.

Sarge: Now, stop the pillow talk, you two. Does anyone want to guess why I gathered you here today?

Grif: Uh, is it because the war's over and you're sending us home?

Scout: (mutters) Christ Grif!

Grif: What?

Sarge: (sarcastically) That's exactly it, Private. War's over. We won. Turns out you're the big hero and we're gonna hold a parade in your honor. I get to drive the float, and Simmons here IS IN CHARGE OF CONFETTI!

Grif: I'm no stranger to sarcasm, Sir. And why didn't you give Scout a job?

Scout: He knows I don't do celebratory functions.

Grif: Wait...he just lets you avoid work if you don't want to, but he gets on my ass when I don't want to? How's that fair Sarge?

Sarge: God damn it Private! Shut your mouth or else I'll have Simmons slit your throat while you're asleep!

Simmons: Oh and I'd do it too Sir!

Sarge: Good man Simmons.

Scout: Don't kill my friend Simmons.

Simmons: Didn't he steal your strawberry and chocolate cream-filled Oreos?

Scout: He did, but that means that if anyone is going to do anything to him, it's me. I got that right the day he stole my favorite snack. (to Grif) You're dead to me when it comes to food, but you're still my friend. So if anyone is gonna kill ya, it's gonna be me, keep that in mind the next time you steal from me.

It's silent for a moment as the three stare at her. All she does is tilt her head slightly. Grif eventually just nods.

Grif: I both feel safe and also in danger. At least I know you'll make it quick and painless though.

Scout: Very true.

Sarge: (clears throat) Let's get back on track. (brief pause) A couple of things today, ladies. Command has seen fit to increase our ranks at Blood Gulch Outpost number one.

Grif: Crap. We're getting a rookie.

Sarge: That's right, dead man. (sees Scout looking at him) Our new recruit will be here within the week, and no Scout, I'm not going to force you to babysit them like I did with Grif and Simmons, but today we received the first part of our shipment from command.

Sarge turns towards a hill behind them. Scout slouches in relief, not wanting to relive that experience again.

Sarge: Lopez, bring up the vehicle.

Lopez drives a large, armored-plated vehicle over the rise and pulls up beside the Reds.

Simmons: Shotgun!