Red vs Blue Season 1

Episode 15

Red Base/Other Side

Colors are dulled. Sarge is running up a hill.

Sarge: (with a slight echo) Hello? ... Hello? I said hello? Hello, is anybody out here?

Cut to Church standing a little bit away from Sarge.

Church: (with a slight echo) Holy cow, would you stop yelling? I'm here.

Church runs up to Sarge.

Sarge: What is this place?

Church: Well, that's.. kinda hard to explain. Um... You were shot in the head, buddy. So, here ya are.

Sarge: Am I dead?

Church: Are you dead? Well, yeah, that's how I ended up here.

Sarge: Are you some kinda angel?

Church: (chuckling) Aheh heh heh.. am I an angel. Uh, (clears throat) yeah, actually, I am. I'm an angel. Um, do you wanna go to Heaven? 'Cause it's, like, ten bucks to get in.

Sarge: Well I, uh, I didn't really bring any.. I mean, my wallet's back in the car.

Church: Hey, you don't have it there, huh? Well uh.. that's too bad. Pretty crappy reason to be damned to Hell for an eternity.

Sarge: I don't remember dyin'.

Church: Yeah, that's my fault too. I was... sort of possessing your body at the time that you were shot. Sorry about that.

Sarge: Hold on a second, that ain't fair.

Church: Not fair? Yeah, join the frickin' club. I got shot by my own tank.

Cut to Sheila aiming at Church.

Sheila: Target locked.

Church: Oh ha ha, very funny Sheila. Shut up. You know I still haven't forgiven you. I didn't say you could talk to me yet. Go there, g-get, go over by the base. Shoo, shoo!

Sheila lowers her turret and drives off.

Red Base/Real World

Cut to Grif, Scout, and Simmons over Sarge's body in the real world.

Grif: Sarge! Don't you give up on me soldier, do you hear me? I'm ordering you!

Scout: He got shot in the head. If he gets up, I'll have to start questioning my medical license.

Other Side

Sarge: Who is that? Who's there?

Church: Looks like your guys are trying to save you.

Real World

Grif starts hitting Sarge in the chest with the butt end of his gun.

Grif: You gotta breathe, man! You gotta pull through! Come on, Sarge!

Scout: Grif stop. Right now. Just stop.

Other Side

Sarge: That is not the way you were trained to do that, Private!

Church: He can't hear you.

Real World

Simmons: Grif, this isn't working. We have to try something else.

Other Side

Church: If he gives you mouth to mouth, I'm leaving.

Real World

Simmons: ...Maybe you should give him mouth to mouth.

Scout: That's not gonna work for a bullet wound in the head.

Other Side

Church: I'm leaving.

Sarge: I can't believe how hard they're trying to save me.

Church: Why wouldn't they? I mean, my team didn't, but, why wouldn't yours?

Sarge: I thought they didn't like me.

Church: Aw, don't sell yourself short. I don't even know ya, and here I am about to guide you to Heaven for only five bucks.

Sarge: Hold on, if you're an angel, how come you ain't got no wings?

Church: Because nobody rang a bell, ah heh heh heh heh. Seriously, do you have the money or don't you?

Sarge: Oh, I feel the worst about Grif. I always made fun of him. I never even told him.. he was my son.

Church: No way! The orange guy is your son?

Sarge: Nah, I just wanted to screw with him one last time. But now I'll never get that chance.

Real World

Grif: He's breathing! We saved Sarge!

Other Side

Sarge: I'm what?

Church: He's what?

Sarge: Well, I'll be a monkey's... they saved me.

Church: What? No, come back! We need to even the sides!

Sarge: Thanks for your help, wingless angel fella! (voice starts to fade away) Will I remember any of this?

Church: Yes, but only if you give me two dollars!

Real World

Sarge regains consciousness and stands up between Grif and Simmons in the real world, Scout is of to the side questioning her medical license and career. 

Sarge: (clears throat) There. What... What happened here?

Simmons: Sir, you got shot in the head, so we gave you CPR and saved you, sir.

Sarge: I always believed in you, Simmons.

Simmons: Uh, actually, it's Grif you should thank, sir. He did all the work.

Sarge: Grif?

Simmons: Yes, sir.

Sarge: Grif, why in Hell would you give somebody CPR for a bullet wound in the head!? That doesn't make a lick of sense.

Grif: (sighs) You're welcome, sir.

Sarge: I mean it's all so damn inconsistent! What would you do if they stabbed me in the toe? Rub my neck with aloe vera? 

Scout: Sarge.

Sarge: What?

Scout: Just be glad Grif saved your life.

Sarge: ..........Fine.