Reflections [Complete]

Chapter 9

If anyone was brave enough to venture close to us, they would soon have realized we were each consumed with a very particular type of internal battle. Two conflicted men working in close quarters pretending that absolutely everything was right with the world. But I am not sure either of us really know believed that.

Let us first focus on the struggle currently engulfing Kong cause that very directly relates to mine. It has been a few months since I have begun observing him, and I have noticed his behavior fairly closely, before I started influencing his life and after I began my very active side mission. And in all this time he has maintained a very distinct distance from everyone around him. Never conversing unless absolutely needing to. No expressions even when warranted. No coffee breaks, lunches, casual conversations, none of that. He kept himself and his business essentially private, relaying as little information about himself as humanly possible. And I had very much been a part of the non-exclusive everyone club when it came to his desire of not sharing himself with others. And if not for my very insistent behavior, I doubt I would have ever managed to pry any information about him at all.

But it seems that fateful day at Kim's house where they served plate of something they referred to as food, there has been a distinct shift in his demeanor. But I am not entirely sure if I know how to describe it.

For instance he doesn't just ignore me when I talk, but he participates, even if it is on a much smaller extent. He nearly always responds with a question of his own now. Querying about my life, likes, dislikes, hobbies and the like. But before the conversation ever extends too long he quickly cuts it short to focus ultra hard at the work at hand. He has also started bringing an extra serving of lunch when he thinks he did a particular good job with cooking. He talks to me about his weekends or his evening plans. Tells me about his high school or Kim or some random person he had at some point found interesting. It's still shy. Tentative. Quick short bursts of conversation before radio silence for hours on the end. It wasn't natural. Wasn't organic.

It was taking him entirely too much effort to behave the way he was. But it wasn't his random chattiness that irked me. And his stoic silence was already expected. It the unpredictable bouncing between the two that clearly displayed his internal struggle. What personality he wanted to be. What character was ready to emerge. One could easily tell he wanted talk to me, share things about his life. Create a bond deeper than the superficial life he had been leading up until this point in office. And yet his shell kept him firmly enclosed. Giving only glimpses to what could have been. Which brings us to the main reason I have been struggling these past weeks myself.

I don't know which one is the real Kong and which one is fake.

He had initially caught my eye due to his uniqueness. His extraordinary skill at the job, yet the insistence to remain in the shadows. I had felt compelled to change that. To help him rise to fame cause I believed he truly deserved it. And then there was the fact that he intrigued me. That in today's day and age a person like him along with his eccentricities could exist. And above all could capture my attention to this degree. The more time I spent with him the more his quirkiness amused me, interested me. Appealed to this inherent gut instinct where I felt both protective of him against the world and yet wanted to show him and his skills off for everyone to see. I wanted to preserve his shy, quirky demeanor and yet instill self-confidence that I felt he desperately needed. I wanted him to experience all the things he was missing out on due to his personality but also be the one providing them for him. But the past few weeks I have struggled with all of those emotions. His life and my reaction to it. Was any of it real?

Don't get me wrong, it's not that he doesn't intrigue me anymore. He does. Immensely. I just don't feel like it's for the same reason anymore. The more I get to know him, the more layers I peel back the more confusing his attitude seems.