Reflections [Complete]

Chapter 18

Kong's POV

I noticed him a lot earlier than he ever knew I existed. Well, obviously. He was the boss, and we had only one whereas had he loads of employees under him. But even leaving that aside he was extremely hard to miss. He was this vibrant personality that was full of life and vigor. It was very apparent to anyone who spent two minutes in his presence that he loved being the center of attention, and with his good looks and charm that was fairly easy to achieve. He generally had people eating out of his hand within minutes and he more than reveled in the power in held over them.

And I enjoyed watching him quietly from my seat in the shadows, comfortable in the knowledge that he had completely overlooked to even remember my name. After so many years I had all but blended in with the background. Invisible to many except those who purposely went looking for me, and very rarely did that ever happen.

It had been many years since I found joy in anything at all. And even for a person like me one couldn't help but be drawn to him. His enthusiasm for life was contagious. His laughter was open and free. He was comfortable standing in front of a large audience and commanding their attention, maneuvering their reactions to his whims, and it seemed like he was almost universally adored.

He was everything I had dreamed of becoming one day. He was the man I has aspired to be seven years ago when on that fateful day I had shaken hands with my doom. And yet I wasn't ever envious of Arthit. I don't know how he had managed it but even when I was faced with the personification of my personal 'if only' scenario I only rooted for his success. Basking in his glory.

I worked harder than I had since years. Spending hours upon additional hours supplementing the severely incomplete reports from the external consultancies. I don't know why I was so vested in his success but I didn't pause to evaluate any of that. After many years I had a purpose to wake up in the morning. Reason for my existence to matter. That I could make, even on the slightest scale, a difference in his life. And as long as I could do all of that remaining in my safe anonymity I was pleased.

But the course of my life was about to change again when one day he came by my secluded cubicle with a coffee in his hand and a huge smile on his face to thank me for the report. I don't think I remember any of the conversation while I simply continued to stare at him. My mind was so wrought with confusion I could barely think straight.

Once again an intimidatingly impressive man was standing in front of me with a dashing smile turning on his charm. I had fallen for that spell before and it has cost me more than I want to evaluate. But I am not a wide eyed teenager anymore. I wasn't about to fall for the same ploy ever again. So I thanked him as cordially as I could and went back to my hidden world hoping he would go back to forgetting my existence.

But that is not what happened. He began watching me nearly all the time. He spoke to me every chance he got. He made me speak every chance he got. He involved me in meetings. He pushed me to present my own reports. He suddenly flung open the door to this entire world that I had kept firmly shut for a long time.

And the worst part is I wasn't scared of him. He kept prodding my life. Sometimes even on an entirely too personal a level but for some reason I wasn't nervous around him. Which scared the living daylights out of me. He made me drop my guard. In his effusive manner he made me agree to things I thought I never would. All it took was for KC to tell me that she had booked two rooms for the China trip and I would have the safety of a locked room to myself and that was completely enough for me to go to a whole another country with my boss. And I actually enjoyed. I didn't even think I was capable of that anymore.

In that short period of time, in a completely new environment I forgot who I had become. I forgot why I had become like that. After so long I was having fun.

And it freaked me how he managed to keep peeling back layers that I had constructed so meticulously. It scared me that more than anything I felt flattered about him showering his attention on me. I felt special. I kept pretending to erect walls around me and he persistently kept knocking them down.

Kim thinks it's destiny. That he was the one I have been waiting for all this time to emerge from my cocoon. Kim is the only one who knows anything about my past. She was the only one who never gave up on me. Even when I had shut out the world, she kept on knocking on my door until one day I let her in. And honestly it feels on some days she is the reason I am still alive.

But she is also a true romantic and has been trying to pair me up with Arthit long before he even knew who the hell I was. So I know she and Arthit had been colluding in their plans to throw us together. I am still not sure if it is a good idea but it was getting incredibly hard to deny the attraction. And I don't know if I even want to.

In the short time that I have known him he has made me feel alive again. I learnt how to smile again. I wasn't scared when he was around. I didn't want to hide when I was next to him. I didn't automatically swallow my words before I spoke. Someone had finally reached out to me and I wanted to so badly respond.

When he shut me out for the week after we had decided to meet for dinner, I knew something was wrong. The only other time he has ignored me was when he found out I lied about my address. I knew he was upset at me about something but I didn't know what. He wasn't the type to run away from a confrontation or avoid an uncomfortable conversation, so this was obviously more serious than I realized.

Then I saw the police report sitting on his desk. I didn't even know they had a record of that. But they did. And now Arthit knew.

It was clear Arthit began ignoring me once he discovered my past. Was it disgust he felt? Perhaps anger that I concealed something this important from him. Or maybe he figured it wasn't worth the trouble dealing with someone so messed up. Did it even matter?

I spent many hours thinking that night. What I had just learnt. What it meant for me. What it meant for us. A relation that was doomed to fail from the beginning. I didn't blame Arthit. Not even a little. He deserved someone who wasn't spending his life hiding behind shadows. Someone he could proudly show off to the world. Someone who would lift him up. And that someone would never be me.

It seems like an eternity, but that night I also spent time thinking about me. How my life had turned out. How I wanted it to turn out. In the few short months with Arthit he had shown me a mirror I had refused to see for a long time. I was still capable of laughter. I still had things I was excited about. I still wanted to live.

It was almost morning by the time I found my way home. The first thing I did was email my resignation. There was only so much heartbreak I can sustain in one place. It was finally time for me to move on. Figure out if I had the ability to find myself again.

I had saved up some money over the past few years. Easy to manage when you do next to nothing every day. Maybe I can travel someplace. I did enjoy going to China quite a bit. It has been almost a week since I resigned and I probably needed to come up with something soon before Kim decided to chew out my ear again. And right on cue there was a knock on my door.

Except it wasn't Kim. It was Arthit. His arms overflowing with atleast two dozen potted plants.

"Can I come in?"