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Dumbo saw me after my nightmare. His eyes were sad and there was a look of surprise on his face-- like he was surprised that I had feelings at all. I don't blame him for that. I'm mostly emotionless.
He bites his lip nervously as Flintstone and Teacup leave us to do other things, the two of us left alone between our bunks. He seems like he wants to ask me something.
Naturally, I'm annoyed. "Spit it out, Dumbo."
He pales and one hand goes up to tug on his ear; nervous habit. "You had a nightmare last night, huh?" I glare at him. "Oh, um, well, I get-- I get them too, and they suck and-- and just--" He pinches the bridge of his nose, sucking in a quick breath. "You okay, Ghost?"
Everyone keeps asking me that. And I keep lying. "Yeah, Dumbo. It's just a nightmare."
"You said a name," is his instant reply. "Thomas."
Thomas. Thomas, Thomas, Thomas. I said Thomas' name out of all of those that had dragged me under. I couldn't say I was surprised at all. He was the one that broke me, after all.
I don't register the fact that I lunge at Dumbo until he cries out in pain, head knocking against the metal of his bunk. "Shit!"
"Ghost, stand down!"
I lean into Dumbo's ear, lips twisted up into a snarl. "If you ever say his name again, I'll fucking kill you."
Flintstone is the one that pushes me back this time. I don't bother fighting back but it's not because I'm not angry-- it's because there are tears blurring my vision and I have to get out of here before anyone sees them.
Dumbo sees them and he suddenly doesn't look scared of me anymore. He seems like he respects me more, or maybe he just understands that I act like a crazy selfish bitch but it's just because I've lost the people I loved.
Or maybe he's just shocked that I let my guard down in front of him.
Zombie is pissed again. His face is red and he's screaming at me at the top of his lungs, ordering me to get my shit together before he makes sure I get a month of peeling potatoes. And then his face melts completely. The apples of his cheeks tell me that he's flustered and uncertain of his next move. And that's when I feel the first, hot tear slide down my cheek.
I'm storming to the bathroom seconds later. No one else sees the tears. I make sure of it.
__
The day gets worse when Zombie tells us what P & D is. Processing and Disposal, one more thing we had to do in Wright-Patterson that wasn't getting stronger and smarter; burn the bodies of those who didn't make it.
