I went to school after a week of staying home for recovery.
As I made my through the gates, I saw Chan and Hyunjin racing towards me. I froze in my tracks and took a few steps backwards. What were they doing?
The stopped in front of me, nearly out of breath.
"Where have you been?" Chan asked.
"Um. Home. Some things happened." I responded.
"Did your parents-"
"Split? No." I shook my head. I wish that was the case.
We walked to class, silence. I didn't get looks this time but I did feel stares in the back of my head.
The day went by fast. I sat with Chan's friends again since Jisung was gone again. And I went home.
But as soon as I walked through that front door.
"Oh, you're home again."
I kept it in and ignored him.
"F**king gay sh*t." He threw his newspaper at me.
There he goes again, pulling the gay card on me. Another reason I'm a disgrace to this family.
I walked into the hallway and into my room, trying to ignore the urge of hurting myself like I've done before.
When my eyes landed on the piece of glass on the table, I tightened my fist. I couldn't do it. Not when I was already hurt. I couldn't do it. Not when I'm finally making friends.
F**k this.
I pulled my backpack off and threw it to the ground. I grabbed my phone and ran out of the house. At this point, my father never cared when I left the house so suddenly. He knew that I was usually just going to Chan's house.
Not today, Satan.
I made it to the canal. I stood on the rocky path and down at the rushing lake.
Water was calming. The color and the sound. Something that would always be stuck inside my head. Like I'm never going down yet, maybe this time I am.
"Seungmin, don't do it."
This is why I always brought my phone with me. So Chan would stop me. Even though I wanted to do it, there was no way I could leave without hurting my mother.
I fell to my knees. "Why?" I cried.
I knew there was another person because there was two pairs of footsteps coming towards me. But one kept a distance.
Chan kneeled beside me. He looked out at the canal. "Why the canal?"
"It's calming." I answered. "I'd rather die calm than tense."
"Woah." It was Hyunjin behind me. "Seungmin. . ."
"Come back to my house and we can talk about this, okay?" Chan suggested. I nodded, standing.
As we walked back, I walked behind Chan and Hyunjin. I stared down at the street following their footsteps. I tried to match mine with Hyunjin's to distract myself.
We made it back to Chan's house. We all sat at the couch. But I was still quiet. There was so much I hadn't told Hyunjin.
"Ah, crap." Chan's phone went off. "I have a dentist appointment. Talk to Hyunjin, okay, Seungmin?"
I nodded, watching as Chan left, leaving us two alone.
"I'm gonna take a big fat guess and say I'm missing a lot." Hyunjin huffed.
"Yeah. . ."
It was quiet. Only being heard was our breathes.
"My dad. . ." I started. Hyunjin grabbed my hand, sending me a sweet smile. "He's not very nice." I said, looking into Hyunjin's eyes.
"He puts me down. And he gets to my mom, too. It gets harder everyday. Today me called me gay sh*t and I guess that just hit me hard." I answered.
As more tears started to pour down my face, Hyunjin squeezed my hand. He stayed quiet, though.
"I'm lucky he hasn't touched me." I said as I wiped my face.
Lies. That's all that one was.
"Can I ask you something, Seungmin?" Hyunjin asked. I nodded. I might as well as spill everything right now.
"How long has this been going on?"
"As long as I can remember." I shrugged.
"So. . ." He paused. Hyunjin looked as if he was debating on whether to ask or not. "Why were you mean to your friends like Jisung?"
I took a deep breath.
"I didn't know how to express my anger and sadness. I clung onto my friends and treated them like my father had treated me." I explained, my eyes on our hands.
Hyunjin started to stroke his thumb across my finger, reassuringly.
"You stopped because you saw it was wrong."
"No. I stopped because I lost the strength. Later on after I realized it was wrong." I corrected.
It was silent. I wasn't sure if Hyunjin would say anything. He seemed to be understanding. But I wasn't completely sure.
"I know you don't want my pity, but I'm sorry you have to go through that." Hyunjin finally spoke up. "If I'm being honest, I thought you went through some kind of trama. I wasn't sure what. But I didn't expect this."
There was more silence.
"I'll always be here, Seungmin. You don't deserve any of that. You're angel to me."
I felt some color spark.
