The Raven

Remembering

I stood close to my friend and I created a bubble around us. That allowed me to both stop her from being affected by the time pause and to hopefully stop for at least a brief moment the Devil's influence. 

The moment I accomplished that, I could see that a humanoid figure next to me looked more like my friend and less like the Devil's future bride. 

She started screaming once reason came back into her eyes. It was a high-pitched scream that reverberated against our bubble making it even more painful for my poor ears. She screamed because she saw me covered in monster goo and blood, and she could see her bloody hands. 

"It's okay. It's me, it's just me. Everything is okay now, calm down." I told her in the most soothing voice I could muster. She stopped screaming but was still visibly shaken up. 

"But am I myself?" she asked tears running down her face. I didn't actually know how to answer her, but she didn't seem to need an answer. 

"I was there. All that time while I did all those horrible, bloody things, I was there. It was using me to do all those horrific things and I saw it all from the smallest corner of my mind. 

While being controlled by it, I felt as if I was barely there. It felt as if one part of me was there, behind the fog but someone else was in charge. I couldn't even move my own body the way I wanted. Complete control of my body was at its disposal and I wasn't even sure what 'it' was. Some kind of disease, that sneaked into my mind and that seemed to plant a seed in there that kept growing and becoming more powerful. 

At first, I would just lose track of time and not remember things, but it got worse. It got so much worse on the day of the battle. That was when it took complete control of my body. I was left as a powerless ghost trapped in my own body. 

I tried to fight but my strength was so small, I didn't know why. Someone drained me of my energy to fight. Only now do I realize that it was the Devil. He was my beloved one, I trusted him, and he was draining me of energy so that evil could enter me and take over. 

Seeing myself rip the throats out of those villagers, was nothing in comparison to feeling the overwhelming delight of fresh blood warming up my skin, my whole being. I wanted more, me, not only the thing inside me. 

Although I couldn't distinguish clearly between my thoughts, and its thoughts most of the time, at that moment I knew it was me. I wanted to rip out their flesh and eat it, devour it as one would a delicious meal. It was me who wanted them to suffer, to watch the light drain out of their eyes as they slowly died in indescribable pain." She said. 

At that point, she was sobbing so much that it was difficult to understand what she was saying.

"Look it wasn't you! You were just mistaking its feelings for your own. You are a good person, and I know that because I have seen your selfless nature many times when the others didn't notice. 

I saw it in small gestures of kindness that you never though changed anything but which meant the world to others. There are many other good things about you that I can tell you, but I am afraid that we don't have enough time. I can't keep the Devil at bay for much longer." I said. 

However, she didn't seem to listen to me, lost in her musings. 

"He told me not to kill you but I wanted to kill you so much. You were always the perfect one. The one who had to help others and make me look bad! The one who got more attention than me. 

Gouging your eyes out would have been such a pleasure for me when I was the raven! I would have pecked them slowly and painfully while you screamed in pain! It was me who wanted to do that, to make you less than me in any way possible! 

You are lucky that even as a raven I didn't have the full control of my body. Then you killed me! How could you!?" she screamed at me. 

I tried to explain myself but it didn't seem to matter, she kept mumbling to herself overwhelmed by opposing thoughts and emotions. One moment she was talking about torturing and killing me, the next moment she would cry and say that I was her best friend and that she shouldn't have trusted the Devil in the first place. 

"I didn't want to end up alone, you see! I was so afraid of being alone. Then he came, and he was so nice and seemed to understand me. He was everything I ever wanted in a man. All my dreams coming true. 

By the time I realized that something was wrong, it was already too late for me. I was the Devil's servant, I couldn't say anything. It even started being enjoyable. I enjoyed doing his bidding. 

Killing and maiming were fun for me, and it made me feel good that I was making the master content. I mean the Devil. When he was stepping on me, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed being humiliated by that thing. I want to take my revenge on him!" she finally screamed more coherent than ever.

Not sure if she was herself again or not I contemplated what I should do or say. But then again, she could never be herself, could she? Not after everything she had been through until that moment. 

It was difficult for me to even imagine her struggles and the psychological impact all that could have on a person. I always thought I had it bad having to deal with the constant threat of being killed, and then when I finally died I had to battle all the demons and atrocities I had seen, but standing there in front of my friend I realized that it was much worse for her. 

Through all the struggles there was always one person I could rely on, myself. My friend didn't even have that luxury. She lost her mind to the evil just because she was trying to find some happiness for herself. One wrong move cost her everything she had, and even in Hell, she didn't have any saying in her destiny. 

For me it was easy, even in Hell I was me. I could fight and try to change fate which wasn't something she could do. 

Maybe that was the key to unlocking the mystery of how I could help her and disrupt the Devil's plans, to give her the freedom of choice. 

Is that something you can give? Shouldn't that always be there, the freedom to choose for yourself? I wasn't sure how I could accomplish that, but I felt that granting my friend the possibility to choose might save her soul and the world. 

In my heart, I felt that it was too late for me because everything I did was of my own free will. Some of those things were cruel and unforgivable even though they were done with good intentions. As they say, 'The road to hell is paved with good intentions'. I realized that was truer than we like to think while alive.