Innocence

The Palm Reading

I don't know how many Fridays had passed now, how many nights I'd endured without Esti. I suppose it was quite a few. It made me think that her mother had a deeper issue with me, one that was tipped over by the fight I'd had with Keren. Perhaps she always thought I was a bad influence. Perhaps she just didn't like me. I didn't think about it for too long; I never found thinking particularly productive.

It wouldn't have bothered me, except Esti didn't even come over after school anymore. I can't remember the last time she'd been in my bedroom, it must have been when her aunt died. That still made my heart wrench when I thought of it. We could only spend time together alone at school, and we were never really alone there. We always had someone watching us.

After the fight with Keren, my father had taken me to her house to apologise.

'But I already said sorry.' I murmured; it wasn't entirely untruthful. I'd spat an apology to Keren after one of her second cousins caught me by the scruff of my neck, when he'd grabbed me from the ground.

'I want to witness it.'

'But it already happene-'

'Ronit.' He said my name in that tone he often used. The voice that indicated he was done talking, the final nail in the conversation we'd staggered through together.

The apology was excruciating. Keren and her mother stood in front of me as I squirmed and stared at my feet, mumbling a half-hearted apology while my father lingered behind me. He kept offering infuriating prompts while Keren's mother sneered and derided me with small comments. Afterwards I wanted to talk to Esti about it, to confide in her, to seek comfort from her, and most of all to tell her that Keren's eczema had flared up again, and that she looked like a flaky, red lizard. When I got home I called her, but her mother answered.

'Esti is busy.' She said curtly.

'When will she not be busy?'

'Not today unfortunately.'

I sighed loudly before hanging up.

As though it couldn't get any worse, one Friday afternoon my father suggested the most appalling thing that I choked on my sandwich.

'I invited the Finkels over for dinner this evening.' He started. That was depressing enough, but then he carried on. 'I thought Shayna could stay the night, since you enjoy your sleepovers so much.'

His nose was hidden in one of his journals, so he didn't see the hunk of bread fly out of my mouth and splat onto the table.

'No thank you.' I said, wiping my mouth and jeering as I wiped it up.

'You ought to be nicer to Shayna, Ronit.'

'I don't like her. She smells funny.'

'Ronit!' His journal flew down and his brow furrowed with sudden outrage. 'When did you become so rude? So insolent?'

'But she does! I don't want her to stay over!'

'Your tongue runs away with you! It will get you into trouble one day, don't you understand this? Do you not understand simple manners? What did we teach you, your mother and me, if not that?'

I didn't say anything. He wasn't expecting an answer when he asked questions like that. He brought his paper back up, scanning it through the gap in his glasses. He let out a large sigh and rubbed his eyes.

'Friendship is important. It is as the proverb says,' he paused while I rolled my eyes. 'Make new friends, but don't forget the old ones. There is no reason why you cannot have Shayna stay while Esti remains-'