Innocence

The Beginning

The rest of the day was painful. I walked to class with Shayna, and she sat next to me even though I asked her not to. In fact, she stuck to me the whole day like tar, it was annoying, and she didn't take the hint at all. Esti didn't come back to school, which filled me with dread and panic; I couldn't focus on anything else. I didn't even care that awful rumours had started to spread like fire throughout our year. It was subtle at first, but still noticeable; it always is when you're at the centre of something.

The hallways were filled with quiet whispers of stories of me, taking unsuspecting girls like Esti and Shayna away and making them kiss me. By the end of the day the rumours had escalated. I didn't care about me, I kept telling myself that they were just words and none of it mattered. There was a rot in my stomach though, because I knew it would matter to Esti. She would hate to think she was in the middle of gossip, I was relieved that she wasn't at school, even though it meant she was having a horrible time at home. I wondered what her mother would be saying about her skipping school, about me.

I called her as soon as I got home. My father still wasn't home, and I didn't know where he was or when he'd be back. The phone rang and rang and rang, I started to give up when it finally clicked through and Esti's father answered.

'Hello Mr Halpe- Josef.'

'Ronit,' his voice sounded soft and he sighed for a long time. 'Would you like to speak to Esti?'

'If- if I'm allowed to, please.'

'One minute.'

I heard some shuffling, some low voices and finally Esti's voice.

'Hi.'

'I'm sorry.' I said immediately.

'It's oka-'

'I really am sorry. You weren't supposed to get into trouble.'

'I... I didn't get into trouble.'

'But you- you didn't come back afterwards. I thought you'd been punished or...'

'Miss Stern told my parents it was your fault.'

'Oh, but that's... that's good.'

'It's not. I didn't want you to take the blame.'

'But it was my fault.'

'I knew what I was doing. I tried to tell them, but my mother didn't want to hear it.'

'Is she mad at me again?'

Esti breathed down the phone. 'She's always mad about something. She wanted to stop me seeing you again but my-' Her voice dropped to a low whisper. 'My father got angry with her. Told her to stop being so controlling.'

I laughed without meaning to. 'I bet she hated that.'

'She... she went for a lie down. They always fight now. How was school?'

'It was...' I thought about the rumours, I thought about Keren and the way she so brazenly and publicly talked of Esti and me kissing. 'It was fine. I missed you though.'

'I missed you too.'

'Do you want to come over? My father isn't here.'

'My father said the Rav is away. You didn't know?'

'No.' I said, feeling no shock or surprise. 'Where is he?' I asked, thinking it was funny that I was asking Esti where my own father was.

'I don't know. I think, something to do with planning a pilgrimage, I think.'

'Well, you can definitely come over then. You could even stay the night.'

'But it's a school night.'