Innocence

The Change

After the lovebite incident, things were different for me and Esti.

Suddenly, due to no particular reason we barely had any time together. My father kept me busy at home and at shul , whether it was organising dusty books in the library or shopping and baking with Mrs Ceder, I had no time of my own. He was also much stricter with the times I had to be home at, I had curfews and chores all of a sudden. Esti's grandfather was sick and her mother was getting worse in her erratic behaviour, so Esti was barely at home as well. The only time we saw each other properly was at school, and even then our classes had been separated by the teachers and Esti usually got kept behind at school so I couldn't walk home with her. I knew why it was happening but Esti didn't.

'They think I'm a bad influence.' I said one evening as we were walking home. Esti had squirmed her way out of staying behind with Miss Stern and caught up with me when I'd been walking along the main road.

'But you're not. Not really.' Esti replied. We were holding hands and turning down a quiet alleyway that wasn't frequented very often. It took us longer to get home when we came this way, but that was our intention.

'I am a little bit.' I said with a grin, she smiled back at me and then sighed.

'Maybe just a little bit.'

'It's okay though.' I said, lifting myself up and straightening my back. I felt I looked more confident when I did that. 'This is only temporary.'

Esti bowed her head and nodded. 'What if it isn't?'

'It is. You don't have to live a life you don't want.'

She didn't say anything then, and we carried on walking in silence for a while longer. When we reached the end of the alley, I went to kiss her. Her mouth was hot, and the feel of her tongue inside mine was exhilarating. We hadn't had sex in forever, and I was starting to feel desperate for her. I pressed her against the brick wall and pushed my hips against hers, which made her gasp. I peered around us; the evening was light but there was still no one around so I lowered my hand under her skirt and started stroking her.

'Ronit.' She panted my name and her breath moistened my cheek and ear.

'I really want it, Esti.'

'Me too, but not here.'

My hand dropped but I stayed close to her, so that I could kiss her once more. Our mouths lingered and I could tell she wanted me, with the way her body was held and the pressure of her hands on my hips, pulling me towards her. She was right though, to do anything there and then would have been reckless and stupid.

'My parents are going to see my grandfather again tonight.' She said, her lips still so close to mine. 'Maybe you could come over?'

'I can't. I have to go to a stupid evening service.'

'Since when do you do what the Rav tells you?' Esti said, as though she was challenging me.

'I... well, that's a good point.' I said, feeling myself smile. I thought about it, I had been obeying my father without any backtalk for a while now. I thought I knew why, because of the work he'd been making me do at the synagogue and around the house, and the fact that all of the dusty books made me sneezy and exhausted.

'So, why don't you sneak out or something?' Esti sounded like she was begging, it was making me feel more hot and bothered.

'Maybe I will.' I said, though my words were just barely above a breath.

'I hope you do.'

'What time do they leave?'

'My father picks my mother up at 4 and they spend the evening there.' She replied.