Forbidden

Let go.

Keanu's p.o.v-
I woke up in a sudden jolt after a very disturbing dream. A dream where I lost all my loved ones , where she was left stranded and alone just because of my stupid decisions.
I stumble out of my bed and nearly trip right over my brother who is passed out on my bedroom floor. I pass the spare bedroom on the way to the kitchen and glance in and see Tash sleeping so peacefully. I can't help but smile at how beautiful she looks even in her sleep. A sharp pain pangs in my chest and I'm reminded of my horrible dream and how I can't possibly put her through that.
I slowly make my way to the kitchen and switch the kettle on. Surprising enough iv woken up with no hangover whatsoever but I know as soon as these boys hear the kettle I'll have all hell on my hands.
I stand at the kettle gazing at the spare bedroom with memories of last night flashing through my mind.
I can't help but smile at the thought of her being in my arms, but that thought is soon crushed with the memory of her leaving my touch for her boyfriend, my best friend. I stand staring at the whistling kettle thinking of her and only her and how I can never be with her , be with the girl I might actually sorta be in love with.
My daydream is soon swatted away when I hear a very husky voice come from behind me.
Brodin: Hey dude, why you up so early.
I can hardly look him in the eye. Ever since I can remember Brodin has been there for me and my family.
He has helped us through all the hard times and has been there for us through all our triumphs. And here I am, standing in front of him pining over his girlfriend. I feel sick to my stomach.
Keanu: Feeling like hell
"That was a lie"
Brodin: Haha sorry bro. Have you been okay bro? You seem like you still hurting?
I froze in my place
"Does he know?"
Keanu: What? What do you mean ?!
Brodin: You still hurt because of Tracey?
Oh wow , How could I even think of Tracey when all I have in my mind is Tash.
Keanu: Yeah bro but I'll get over it.
Brodin gives me a gentle brotherly tap and goes off to wake up the rest of the boys. I can't help but sigh with relief. I fix up a couple cups of coffee for the boys and make my way to the spare bedroom. I walk into the doorway and find Tash already up but sitting up with her head in her hands.
"I know she's thinking of last night, I know she's regretting it all"
I walk over to her and gently tap her on her shoulder, just touching her skin sends shivers through my arm and I long to just wrap my arms around her.
She looks up at me and I give her a weird quirky grin and she looks long and hard into my eyes and after a few seconds I see her eyes light up and she smiles back.
"Dammit that smile"
She reaches for the coffee and our hands touch and I cant help but pull away, my dream still so fresh in my mind. I quickly make my way out the room and hear her sigh behind me.
Later on that morning I joined the boys on the couch to listen to their crazy stories of the night before when they all suddenly stop and look at me. I already know what's going to be asked and I already know what I have to say to protect both me and Tash.
The boys: so what what did you think of last night?
I can feel Tashs eyes on me but I just can't bring myself to look at her. Without thought I blurted out the first thing that came to mind, the safest thing that came to mind.
Keanu: I honestly can't remember anything.
I see Tash get up and dash to the bathroom where i hear her begin to vomit.
My heart literally shatters at the thought that iv made her literally sick. I don't want to pretend that nothing happened, I don't want her to think that what happened between us means absolutely nothing but I have to act that way, I have to let go so that she doesn't get hurt.