recharge to 100% ˻grayson dolan˼✔︎ #WATTYS2019

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Past
Grayson

It has now been a full year without you,Alisophia. I tried everything to contact you and tell her the full on truth this time around , even though I promised to tell you the full truth the day at toast.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

I wish it was yesterday so then I could tell you everything and anything.

You deserve to know the truth,even if it hurts you.

you never deserved to be hurt especially by me. You put so much love and trust into me and I just ruined that for you. I tried showing you real love when I didn't even know myself what it was, what real love was.

But Alisophia, you showed me what real love was.
She showed me how to really love. Every time we had sex I wasn't fucking you like the other girls. I was making love and I'm sorry I took your virginity,and wasn't able to express my love even through that which was supposed to be special to you.

You taught me right from wrong and I learned a lot from that. I learned how to trust.

I wish I could've loved you the way you deserve to be loved. Now I'm sure someone else better is filling my role. Someone more deserving.

I'd do anything to get you back but my gut is telling me you've found someone better.

I've tried anything and everything to get over you.
I even started drinking heavily as soon as I turned 20, still under the legal age. I started smoking weed to self medicate.it helps put me to sleep at nights where I can't myself.

It's hard to sleep in general. I wish you were by my side on these lonely nights.
I wish I could kiss your forehead and put you to sleep just by my groggy night voice.
I wish I could be by your side when you wake up in the middle of the nights from a nightmare and tell you "it's alright baby it was just a dream, I'm here and I'll protect you"

I deserve it.

I deserve to be hurt and to be hurting.

The way I hurt you is not me,that's wasn't Grayson and never will be. I'm sorry you had to see that person,I didn't even recognize him.
He was a complete monster.
It's sad because the real Grayson was hidden way beneath whoever took over.
It was almost as if I was under some sort of spell in Tati's way.

They way she had me mesmerized was crazy. It was like I fell head over heels for her all over again. Just like I did when we were kids.

I'm sorry she was the reason I hurt you.

I wish I could tell you everything.

You deserve to know the truth, even if it hurts the both of us.

Letter #15
January 18th 2020

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