Shattering Shadows [MxMxM]

Chapter 6

My prayers were not answered. Instead the devil listened in and took them into his own hands.

As I got up, disappointed that I didn't have a black haired man in my arms, I noticed my door was pushed open further than I had left it last night. So maybe he was going to but went back to bed?

The door to the spare room was also open wider. And inside? A perfectly made bed, no black haired man. The clothes I had given to him were placed neatly upon the bed. The drop in my stomach at the possibility that he left without a goodbye almost made me sick.

After searching around the rest of my apartment, any traces of Revon were gone. The unwashed dishes from last night were washed and in the cupboard. The flimsy blanket folded and in its original space. It was like he was never even here. And I would have started to think it was all some odd dream if it wasn't for the clothes on the bed that still had a lingering smell of Revon's aftershave on them.

I started mentally kicking myself instantly. I knew I shouldn't have invited him up, it was far too soon! I also let him in to my head far too quickly. If I had not done so, I wouldn't be feeling this crap over some guy leaving early in the morning without a goodbye. Without a note. Without a care. Stupid, stupid feelings. I know my response to this may sound immature but catching feelings is a horrible illness that is quite hard to cure. I'll die before the day is over with how crap this feels!

Ok, I'm being dramatic, but I can't help but feel disappointed knowing Revon left unannounced. All my life, since the age of 16, I've closed myself off from strangers and the unknown. I numbed myself of feelings, and kept myself within the shadows. I can count the number of people who I can be myself around on one hand, and it is rare that I see most of them anymore. With a history, none to pleasant, I've lessened the possibility of loss. I've made it easier to control what goes on, who comes and who goes. That loss of connection to a large part of my feelings that got lost within the shadows is what caused the cold, distant facade to be seen.

And it ticks me off that I subconsciously let Revon in without much control, heck I didn't even mind to be honest. I enjoyed his presence more than anyone that has crossed paths with me before. He shattered a part of the shadow I like to hide out in when in public, and shone some light on me, only to become apart of my nightmare that is loss. He left me.

I won't hold it against him, there is no one to blame but myself for not regaining control over my feelings towards him. It's not like he knew of my underlining fear towards abandonment. I barely understand how my own brain works around it so how could anyone else? I'm simply a mess.

Not impressed for letting my thoughts go to bad memories, and making assumptions on Revons whereabouts, I take a quick shower and go through my morning routine before getting out into the fresh air to clear my head. Normally I would have laid in bed to sulk but knowing Revon was in the building hours ago only ticks me off more. And what sucks is that we never swapped numbers.

A Sunday morning is never busy, most are recovering from hangovers, or enjoying their day off with a sleep in. The few who are roaming around are those bright eyed weirdos who love mornings and being around people. Disgusting. Yet here I am, looking like I'm apart of the flock.

I walk street after street until I find myself outside of Blue Hog. A large animated hog, colored blue, with a cigar coming out of its mouth taking up a third of the sign above the door. One of my few close friends, Rodney, started up the clothing line 4 years ago, when he was 20. He always had an 'alternative' yet 'queer' sense of style. He would mix the most unexpected pieces of clothing together and somehow make it look hip and fresh. Many people found his style so unique and new that he decided to start his own line of clothing for others interested in the style. To say it was a hit is an understatement! After 3 years in business, he managed to successfully open up 4 more stores across the country in large cities. The one here in our city would be the main store. Everything sold in his stores would be seen as limited editions as he only designs so many of each creation for each store.