Torn Up (Harry Styles/Bullying)

Chapter 32

Sandra's POV:

"Yeah you can come in," Harry's voice was raspy and the words coming out of his mouth seemed forced. You could tell he was trying to pretend that he wasn't just crying, but one, he is a shit liar and two, I literally just spied on them so I know he did cry.

I quietly walked into the room and kept my head hung low. Sniffles echoed in my ears and little puddles of tears coated the floors.

I sat down next to Harry and nuzzled into his side and made a soft whimper.

"You heard all that, didn't you?" he sighed. I nodded my head into his chest.

"Did you really mean all of that Haz?" I asked.

He nodded his head, curls bouncing against his forehead. I looked over to the sobbing boys across from me,"Did you two as well?"

Chris started crying more, and Zayn's bottom lip was quivering. They were both shaking and Zayn was trying to say something.

"Y-yes, I did-I mean we did," he choked out, nodding his head towards Chris.

"We are fucked up," Chris began. And Zayn nodded his head in agreement.

Harry scoffed at the two and held me even closer.

"We are so, so, so sorry and you never need to accept our apology because what we did was inhuman and sick."

"You never should have had to go through that, I still don't even know why we did it."

"I was afraid, that's why..." Zayn mumbled.

"Of what?" I asked, curiosity getting to me.

"Of you."

"Of me?"

"Yeah, of you," he let out a forced chuckle.

"Oh, I'm sorry I just don't understand-"

"No one did, I didn't even, it's just I-I, it's hard to explain," he whined, small whimpers escaping his lips.

I didn't answer, I just nuzzled my head closer to Harry.

"I was-well, I just-okay, um," Zayn's voice was straining now and he was taking long pauses in between his words, he was about to cry-again.

"Sandra, I liked you...a lot. You were the most beautiful girl to me and at first I was genuine with you, I swear. But then, then, m-my dad had found out and started h-he started to call me things, mean things, he said I was worthless and didn't deserve love. A-and then he would tie me up and not give me any food or water. A-and sometimes he would t-touch me. A-and sometimes he would bring a bunch of older men with him," his voice was cracking with every word now and his eyes were a bloodshot red.

"They all wouldn't ever stop touching me-and it just hurt so bad. And my-my dad told me, he swore that if I-if I has proof that I had sex with a girl he would stop. A-and I was too selfish to think about what you would feel, I used you to try to stop my own pain."

Zayn was sobbing now, snot running out of his nose.

"I showed him the video a-and he posted it online. Said one person wasn't enough, s-so I got Chris to help me. And he did the same. And even after that, he didn't stop. H-he said make her feel the pain you feel-then I'll stop."

The tears hit the floor before I could try to get rid of them.

"So I did. I told him everything I did and he would spit at me-tell me I was never good enough. And the whole time I was hurting you-I would hurt myself and my dad would hurt me-and I fucked up and I'm so sorry Sandra! I just I didn't know what to do! I was in so much pain, so much pain. And I couldn't handle it anymore."

Zayn's inhuman sobs and screams made me shiver, I held onto Harry a little tighter.

And the tears ran down my cheeks and I couldn't take it anymore. Zayn's sobs were making my heart twist in pain and I couldn't stop crying because I understood him.I knew what it was like to feel worthless, like a piece of fucking garbage. Like you would never be loved, that you would never mean something to someone. And I knew that, that hurt, like hell. And I knew the numbness and fearfulness of what pain was to come next and I just knew. 

So I let Harry out of my grasp and took a shaky step up and I trudged across the room to Zayn. I held my arms out, waiting for him to hug me back. And when he did I started to cry a little bit harder.

Our tears and sniffles and cries mixed together and it was a twisted moment that was somewhat beautiful. My heart was down to my knees now beause I was torn. Was I actually hugging the guy that had brought so much pain into my life? The one who helped into making me the broken girl I am today? Was I just supposed to forgive him? 

And half of me was shouting at me to stop, stop now. He didn't deserve it, but the other half was telling me to not let go yet. And I was so confused and hurt, so I cried a little harder.

Crying into the strong chest of my worst enemy, hoping with all my heart that this wasn't hurting Harry. Hoping he didn't feel betrayed because this was just a comforting hug. And when Zayn's arms squeezed me a little tighter when I tried to let go-I stayed. What else was I supposed to do? 

WOWOWOWOOW I AM SO SORRY I NEVER UPDATED I JUST IDK I HAVE NO EXCUSES BUT SCHOOL, BC HS SUCKS AND IM IN ALL HONORS AND ITS JUST CRAZY OKAY. SO WOW I HAVE A 100K READS WTF OFSFIOSOFOIS YOU GUSY ARE AMAZING I AM IN SHOCK. LITERALLY THANK YOU SO MUCH I CANT EVEN AND HOLY SHIT CAN WE TALK ABOUT FOUR