-per @||aprilshowers|| request, badly written pre serum Steve angst-
'London' He'd say, with wide eyes and a smile. 'Londons where we'll go, when we're all grown up, and we're rich and such. That's where I'll take you, Steve, I promise.' He'd say, with a hitch in his voice at promise. 'We'll sit in a cafe, and you'll draw the pretty bridges, and I'll read, and since it's the future, the cars will be flying by, completely soundless, so we won't even notice them, becouse we'll be so happy, Steve. So happy' and I always thought it a bit weird, becouse shouldn't he bring his girls to England. But Mabey, mainly, becouse he was holding a letter. We didn't get letter, no one wrote me and no one wrote him, so no one wrote Us, and since no one wrote us, we weren't there.
'The open sea and the old brick paths and the story book streets. And we won't have to leave, we can stay and stay and stay and that's what we'll do. We will stay.'
I'd asked something like
'What's wrong' and he'd just lift me up, and say 'Doll, nothing's wrong, I just wish we could be far away' and I'd object
I wasn't a doll, you sock.
And he'd just smile
And we looked into each other's eyes while he held me and I wished I could never let go
But someone knocked so he looked away, but
I wish he hadn't. I wish we could have looked at each other for longer. I wish I had just drowned in them so I wouldn't have to face this mess.
Becouse he's gone now. Away in the army. He's never been a fighter. He used to go to peaceful protests, and at the slightlest chance of violence, he'd leave. And now he's out there killing people.
I wonder if he misses the docks. I wonder if he misses the shops and the streets and I wonder if he misses the garden. And I wonder, I do, if he misses me. Becouse I was always the fighter. And I should have gone instead of him.
And it's my fault if he dies.
