scrawny & broken | zalex 13rw

11

Sitting through our new "suicide prevention" class is much more interesting sneaking glances at Zach once in awhile. His perfect hair, that jawline, ugh. Okay calm it Alex.

The way his muscles slightly flex when he raises his hands is so attractive. And his voice— don't even get me started. Okay what the hell, why am I going full hormonal teenager right now. I take a sip of my water in an attempt to control myself.

The teacher split us into groups of two and although I'm oh so desperately wishing I was grouped with Zach, the universe doesn't work in my favor too often and instead I'm stuck with Ryan.

"Boy oh boy won't this be fun." Ryan says with a forced smile but an obviously fake tone of voice. Ugh. Could he get any more annoying?

The teacher gives us instructions to do our projects. Basically we have to design some little sailboat or some shit that at least resembles one, write down a confession and tape it to the boat. Then, we'll set the boats free on the lake by the school.

To me that just sounds pretty bad for like, the environment, but oh well. What the hell do I want to confess? Hey I'm gay! Or bisexual! Or.. honestly who the hell knows! And I'm dating Zach!

Although we said we didn't care about what other people think, I'm pretty sure me and Zach are on the same page with people not knowing right now. Things are crazy as it is and we don't want to add into the fire.

Ryan gets to work on the sailboat while I keep sneaking glances at Zach, who got paired up with Courtney. I never thought I'd be saying this but, I wish I was Courtney. "Hellooo? I said can you pass me the glue Standall." Ryan snaps as he literally snaps his fingers repeatedly. I roll my eyes and pass him the glue.

"So, you and Zach huh? I would have never thought." Ryan says as he's piecing the two parts together. "W-What?" I say with an obvious splash of nerves in my tone. How the hell can he know? Did Zach tell him?

"Oh please hunny, I think I know a gay glance when I see one." He says and then looks up at me with another fake smile. "The hell are you talking about Ryan." I mumble as I don't make eye contact with him. How could he possibly even tell I was looking at Zach? What if I was looking at Courtney? Ew, never mind, disregard that last statement.

"I know what being in the closet is like Alex, and quite frankly, you look like you're in a whole wardrobe." He says and continues to work on the project. I don't say anything in reply and I bite my lip nervously. Is he going to out me and Zach? He wouldn't, right? Hell, what am I saying, of course he would.

"You know it's okay to be gay right Alex? I mean.. look at Courtney now." He nods toward Courtney who had her phone in hand, a picture of her and her girlfriend inside her clear case on the back. I roll my eyes.

"Again, Ryan, I have no idea what you're talking about. Can we focus on our project now?" I say and meet my eyes with his, giving him a death glare. He subtly rolled his eyes, but it wasn't subtle to enough where I couldn't see it, "Whatever you say Standall." He says and looks like if he's fighting off a laugh.

I continue working on our project, the bell hopefully ringing soon to get me out of this god forsaken class and school day. I also have PT with Zach today, so that should be fun I guess. I glance at Zach again and stare for a moment as he laughs at something Courtney says.

Damn. I am seriously so, SO whipped for this boy. I sigh and glue the last pieces together that finally finishes the boat. Now to write a confession down. I ponder it for a few moments until the bell rings. "Class dismissed everyone, we'll pick up on this tomorrow." The teacher says as people start rushing through the doors.

I head to the locker rooms, where the pool is towards, dodging the bodies of a bunch of idiotic teens that don't know how to look where they're walking. My reaction time has gotten a bit better over time, which I'm grateful for.

I don't see Zach on the way there as I usually do, considering he should be going to the locker rooms as well. Oh well, he'll probably be on his way soon. I stand in the empty locker room staring at the speedo I still have to wear because I haven't bought a new bathing suit yet. Remind me to do that this weekend.

I take off my clothes and put on the speedo, still seeing no sign of Zach. Is he even coming today? I walk out of the locker rooms and towards the pool, my eyes locked on the water that glistened so beautifully from the sun. Yes, it's literally just a school pool, but it was still pretty in this moment.

I sit on the edge and dip my feet in. It's warm, would have been perfect for practice if Zach actually showed up. I should text him to see where he is but I'd feel too.. clingy. I don't know, I tend to overthink things I guess.

I slip into the pool by accident and feel myself get sunken into the 6 foot deep waters. I try to swim myself back up, but it's like if suddenly my legs both gave out completely and I could not feel anything below my hips, which makes me start to freak out like crazy.

I try to swim up but it's no use, it's like the universe is completely and utterly against me in this moment. I see the sun rays shining through the pool and feel, weirdly calm, like if I have just accepted what is going to happen.

I can't help myself. There is nobody here to help me. I failed at killing myself but did I really? My life was in my hands and its if I dangled it above this water, dropping it and letting it sink without really thinking.

So this is it I guess. I hear nothing, and feel the pressure building up in my chest as I stare aimlessly at the surface above me, the light slowly dimming and dimming until all thats in sight is complete darkness.

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Thanks for reading this chapter! <3
I know it's a bit short! Sorry hehe. Buuuut it's a double update so oh well ;)