Supernatural One Shots

Practice

Dean x Reader

The reader finds a way to ease their guilt about messing up on a hunt.

Warning: form of self-harm

"Alright, we'll be back in about a week. Call if you need anything."

Crossing your arms you simply nodded, "Yeah Sam I know, you've said that three times." He gave you a small smile, "Right, sorry." Picking up his duffle bag he made his way towards the steps leading to the front door. Dean walked out of the hallway and slung his bag onto his shoulder, "You gonna be okay here?" You had told the boys you weren't feeling great and thought it'd be best if you stayed behind on this hunt and just relaxed.

Smiling you pushed Dean towards the door, "Yes Dean I'll be fine. Now get going before that vamp takes another girl." Shooting you one last look Dean climbed the stairs and shut the door behind him. The moment it closed the smile dropped from your face and tears stung the back of your eyes. You weren't actually sick, you were hurting. Last week you and the guys went on a hunt for a vengeful spirit causing trouble in an old abandoned farm house.

No matter how many hunts you went on you always had a hard time dealing with it when you screwed up, especially if you lost someone. And on that hunt you had screwed up big time, and almost lost Sam. He had figured out the spirit was the mistress of the farms original owner. When she threatened to tell his wife about them he killed her and buried her body in the basement of the house. When you got to the house you had the salt and lighter ready while the boys had their rock salt guns.

After digging for awhile you eventually found the body and had just started pouring the salt when you were thrown across the room. The lighter flew from your hand and under the furnace in the corner. Looking up you saw Sam and Dean both shoot the ghost, Dean looked towards you to check you were okay. "I'm good just keep watch!" Using all your strength you pushed yourself up and ran over to the furnace, feeling around for the small rectangle.

While his back was turned Sam didn't see the woman appear behind him, but you did.

"SAM!"

He turned around at the sound of your voice but was too late, the ghost flung him into a brick wall and you heard his head hit with a sickening crunch. Dean yelled and shot the ghost again, running to his brothers side. Finally you felt your fingers brush the lighter. Gripping it tight you shot up from the floor and ran over to the body. You tried once, twice, three times to light it. Looking up you saw the woman appear behind Dean who was holding Sam's head in his lap. Finally on the fourth try you got a flame and threw it onto the body, the ghost screamed as she disappeared.

"Cas get your ass down here!" Dean yelled. Blood was dripping from the corner of Sam's mouth and all you could do was stare. The sound of wings signaled Cas had arrived and he quickly leaned down to press two fingers to Sam's forehead, a second later he gasped and sat up. Dean looked relieved and you continued to stand there, frozen. He almost died, and it was your fault.

Naturally neither of the guys blamed you, they both said what happened was scary yeah but it came with the job. You just acted like you agreed with them and pretended everything was fine when they were around. But when you were alone all the thoughts and feelings would come crashing back. Your going to mess up again, and probably get someone killed next time.

Now that you were alone in the bunker you decided you weren't going to let the voice in your mind win. The guys were right shit like that happened all the time, it was nobody's fault. You started walking around the bunker, just exploring. Realizing suddenly you'd never really looked at everything in the bunker and desperately needing a distraction.