I Dreamt We Had a Kid

Chapter 10

The first thing Tony notices is that Clint looks like a corpse. His skin is pale and thin. His face is sunken and thin. His body is slim and bony, and his eyes are without life or joy.

He practically falls into Natasha, muttering something as she pulls him toward the hospital. When they pass by Tony, he can hear it.

"They're all dead."

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If the team was in low spirits before, now they were gone all together. Clint didn't leave his bedroom. Nat stayed with him constantly, trying to get him to eat and drink.

Tony didn't sleep. He worked constantly in the lab on Vision. Trying to wipe his brain of all the pain he felt. How he wished he had alcohol, but Steve had taken all of it. If Tony really wanted to get some, he would be able to get it, but he decided that working would be more productive. The thought of how they were going to defeat Thanos was always in the back of his mind.

Tony didn't know what time of day it was, but he was fiddling with some more wires, alone in the lab. Shuri and Bruce had already gone to bed, making Tony promise he would head up in a few minutes. He nodded and kept working.

That was a few hours ago.

He downed his next cup of coffee, adding it to the stack of empty mugs sitting on a nearby desk. He was deeply in thought about the wires when he heard a voice from the doorway.

"Tony," Tony looked behind to find Steve standing in the doorway in a white Shirt and jeans. "How long has it been since you slept?" His voice was full of (what Tony assumed) was fake concern.

Tony pondered that. The snap happened, what, April 17? He slept when he was in the hospital and then once again after a while in the lab. Or did he? Tony didn't know, it didn't matter.

"The 17th," Tony spits out, wrenching in an arm socket.

"Tony, It's the 20th," Steve is walking towards him, a look of deep concern on his face. Tony just snorted.

"At least it's still April," Tony muttered under his breath, forgetting Steve had super soldier hearing.

"Tony, it's May, May 20th." Tony can see Steve swallow nervously as he approaches him. He doesn't hesitate to place a hand on Tony's shoulder.

"I've lost too many people in this war, Tony." His blue eyes are staring straight through Tony. "I can't lose you too."

Tony doesn't know what to say to this. He glances down at his work again, trying to find something to make Steve go away.

"You're not the only one who's lost, people." Tony's tone is meant to bitter, but it comes out more desperate.

"I know."

Tony swallows, "Leave me alone, cap." Tony attempts to shrug off Steve's hand. It doesn't budge.

"Tony, look at yourself." He gestures to the pile of coffee mugs, there must be at least twenty. How did they all get here? "Your running on caffeine and god knows what else. I wouldn't be surprised if you haven't eaten anything either. I know your hurting, we all are, but locking yourself up in here isn't doing you any good."

Steve doesn't know the real reason why Tony doesn't sleep. The nightmares are awful. They eat at his soul, giving him horrible flashbacks and fear. Dying of sleep deprivation is a much better option, then maybe he can be with Peter and Pepper again. But Steve's pleading eyes and sincere expression are enough to make him give in. He can just sneak back down to the lab when Steve leaves.

He doesn't realize how tired he actually is until he tries to walk up the stairs. Steve has to practically carry him, which doesn't exactly help his self-esteem. Tony is surprised when Steve leads him to his bedroom. When Tony thinks about it though, it's not that odd. He hasn't slept in his own bedroom yet, so it just looks like another hotel. Maybe Steve thinks it will be more "homey" if he's not in a sterile room.

Steve throws him a shirt and shorts and tells him to shower and change, leaving the bedroom and closing the door. When Tony steps into the bathroom, he looks in the mirror for the first time since before the snap. He looks terrible. Big, dark eye bags are under his lifeless eyes. He looks thin, and when he takes his shirt off, can see his own ribs, engulfed in the glow of the arc reactor. His hair is dry and knotted. He looks just as bad as Clint.

Sighing, he steps into the shower, the warm water running over him feels nice. He washes his hair and dries himself off. When he puts the clothes on he laughs because they are a few sizes too big.

Steves clothes.

Tony decides he is going to sneak back down to his lab and slowly pushes open the bedroom door. He makes his way over to the elevator when he feels a hand on his shoulder.

"Ugh," He groans.

"Do think I am stupid?" Steve is there, a book in his left hand, a chair over his shoulder in the hallway. He was sitting there waiting for Tony to try and leave. For some reason, Tony feels guilty, like a child caught out of bed. He laughs out loud at the thought because that's exactly what he is. He is so small and fragile now, he might as well be one.

"This is not funny Tony," Steve says, turning him forcefully yet gently to the bedroom. When Tony finally gets in the bed, he turns his head in the pillow. It smells of paper, rosemary, and cheap soap. Why did it smell of cheap soap? The soap in Wakanda was the finest around. He watched as Steve sat in a chair across from the bed, licking his finger and turning the page.

"You going to get in bed with me too?" Tony jokes.

"I need to make sure you do not leave." He doesn't take his eyes off the book.

Steve really does see right through me.

Tony suddenly feels the wave of exhaust flow through him. He had been running on coffee for so long, he didn't even feel tired anymore, but now that he was in bed sleep got the better of him and he nodded off.