The shape of her face..
The trace of her smile..
The height, the weight...
the only difference is my dimples are deeper, her teeth are whiter, and my boobs are far bigger.
I can't help but see it.
She was right after you left me stranded in the middle of the night.
I sucked your dick, and you crumbled me up... and you just threw me away like I was unusable paper.
I'm not a whore.
I was not a whore.
You promised and you lied.
You lie and you lie and YOU LIE.
And I am ALWAYS left like the fool.
You make every girl believe they are the ones who are useless, who are worthless, you make us feel unwanted and worn out.
I was numb and you cut..and you cut me.
I'm not over it.
I'll NEVER be over it.
Because you fucked with my mind in ways I cant even explain.
You ruined every relationship i had, just so you could fuck me over.
I was happy without you at 16.
I didn't need you.
And I'm angry at you.
You fuck people over, and somehow I'm the one that didn't get people falling at my feet, getting whatever fucking ride I want, having a job set in line, going to the best schools out there...
But I know it'll happen.
I don't wish bad on anyone, but there is this pit in me.
Every car I ran in front was from feeling what you made me feel.
You instilled this psycho in me.
You ruined what I had with her.
You fucked me and I have to live every day knowing that.
You just couldn't stand the fact that we were happy. Because you weren't.
I want to stop thinking about it, I want to stop looking at it all in my mind.
I want to be happy.
I don't know how I'll be able to stand at the aisle someday.
Or have a family with someone.
Because you have fucked anything that ever made me happy, you and her.
You made everyone believe I am the monster.
But you are.
You are the monster.
And I have no one because of it.
The biggest mistake I ever made was choosing you.
Not once, but repeatedly.
I will always regret the Skype calls, the midnight texts, the pictures and the songs sung. I will always regret saying yes to you over and over again. I regret knowing what it's like to kiss you and be held by you.
I felt nothing in the kiss, nothing. And that broke my heart because I knew it was never you I should of chosen. That I was the stupid one.
I regret you and that is the most sickening feeling.
You have taken my whole life from me.
And I can't move on because of it.
I will never be fully happy because of it.
But you being happy, you having her.... that is none of my business, I know it's not. So I'll say I'm happy for you, because I'm not the one you'll fuck over and over anymore.
Thank God, but now I'll keep trying to fix me.
