I'm girl that has it altogether.
I mean I just got my first apartment.
I have a boyfriend, I'm in a relationship.
But I'm selfish okay.
I'm selfish because I cant tell you how dark my thoughts are right now.
I can't tell how much I want to just be done.
Because I don't have an education and I'm told, that I'm too smart not to have one.
Or that I can do anything I put my mind to.
It's not that simple, it's never been that simple.
I use to think that someone not loving me back was the end of the world.
But now I'm jobless.
I'm a fucking failure.
I have no parents.
I haven't seen my siblings in almost two fucking years. And I won't see any of them graduate or follow their dreams.
I have no friends.
I eat Thanksgiving and all holidays with my boyfriend's family because I have none.
No one gives a fuck, and the ones that do aren't allowed to be around me, because I'm dangerous.
If I'm so dangerous then maybe i should just stop breathing?
Maybe I should be the girl to jump.
I use to tell myself that I couldn't do it. Because of what it would do to my family, but they don't want me. So what is stopping me?
I'm scared to die. But there is no fighting anymore.
I can't do this anymore.
I'm that girl.
