A Manservant's Loyalty (Merlin BBC OneShots)

Adoption

Modern # 2.0

Arthur sighed, running his fingers through his blond locks, frustration simmering under his skin. It's not that Arthur didn't want kids, because he did. He loved kids, but the thought of being a parent and having a child that looks up to you, that thought alone frightens the blond to the bone. Arthur isn't exactly father marital, with tattoos decorating his arms, chest and torso and a criminal record attached to his name. Arthur didn't think he was cut out to be a father, considering he was a thirty year old child himself.

How could he be a good role model if he has a criminal record, he has had a past with alcohol and drugs. Granted they were a long time ago when he was in high school, and they all were related but it was still there, it still haunts him that he was so stupid as to accept those drugs, to let him self go so badly. It was Merlin who Brought him back to earth, to reality.

Merlin was always so calm, kind hearted and when he was comfortable around you he was so carefree and witty. Arthur wanted to change for the good with Merlin, and that is what he did, he changed him self for the good. He stopped drinking all together, he stopped drugs, he became a good person. Unfortunately it didn't change the fact that he has a criminal record which will stay there for ever, as a constant reminder that he isn't good enough to be a father, that Merlin was to good for him.

Merlin huffed throwing his arms up in pure frustration, anger flowing through his veins, "What about what I want Arthur? It is always what you want you get! this is the one thing I want, the one thing I'll ask you for, and you reject it!" Merlin ranted, his Irish background becoming more prominent with the added emotion.

"Why? we always talk about starting a family, have you changed you mind? Don't you want this anymore?" Merlin muttered brokenly, the thought of Arthur leaving him, he loves the blond and would do anything for the man. Yeah they have had their ups and downs like any relationship those, but they were strong.

They always found away to come back to each other. It seems the subject of children puts a large wedge in there relationship, making a crack and every time they fight about it the crack gets bigger, that scares Merlin, it frightens the embody haired lad to tears thinking about the possibility that the crack will get to big to fix they break apart. That kills Merlin and will kill him If it ever happens.

Arthur saw the tears that welled up in Merlin's pretty blue eyes, Arthur hated it, he hated that he was the reason his ball of sunshine is upset because of him self, he hates that his insecurities don't allow him to give Merlin what he wants.

Arthur doesn't know what to do, he wants to scream and shout but that would only make the situation worse. "I'm going for a walk" he muttered, not looking up at Merlin's teary eyed face, Arthur couldn't bear it, it would break him to see the result of his selfishness, his insecurities that put barriers in the relationship which only seem to get thicker no mater how hard Arthur tries to break them down.

Turning on his heal Arthur walked out grabbing his jacket and keys, before walking out the door, closing it softly, he heard a sob escape Merlin, guilt seemed to tie a noose around Arthur's heart and pull it tight, squeezing Arthur's heart painfully.

He clamped his eyes shut tightly before walking away, Merlin's sobs becoming silent as he walked away, the barrier seemingly to thicken a great amount. Merlin was getting further away, and Arthur couldn't do anything about it.

Arthur walked out of the apartment complex wiping the few tears that fell on his cheeks, the sky's were turning pink and purple as the sun set in the distance, the street lights started to come on and light up the almost deserted streets.