Together in Insanity (Yandere!Sangwoo x Reader)

Chapter 18

Slowly you stirred the warm cup of coffee on the table. One hand held it, thawing from the warmth through the foam cup. The other causally moved the plastic stick in methodical circles as though its a rhythm of your trance.

“Are you okay?”

You hadn't said a word when you sat down. You hadn't looked at him even as he watched you closely, analyzing your movements, your facial expressions, everything he could. You hadn't even acknowledged his existence.

You just felt so broken.

“Huh?” you replied, snapping back. “Oh yeah, I'm fine.” Your eyes flickered to him then back to the scenery out the coffee shop window behind him.

Truth be told, you weren't fine. And Seungbae's seemingly casual question was likely rhetorical. He could easily read your face but whatever expression it may have held, it was not even a sliver of the torment you felt inside. The worst part was, it was all your fault.

Now, it wasn't like you purposely caused yourself such twisted and horrid agony. All you did was let your guard down. Your stupid, fucking guard down. It was one of the things you swore to yourself you would never do. But how could you not? How could you not let your guard down when you enjoyed and yearned for his embrace? How could you not let it fall when you both loved killing and playing with weaker creatures? How could you not fall when he seemed so perfectly made for you?

But clearly, it was never meant to be.

The sounds of nearby chatter and the feel of the awkward air between you and Seungbae slowly faded as you remembered the night before…

He smiled as he pulled out a chair for you to sit it. You returned the smile as you sat down. He may be a beast behind closed doors, but he was definitely a gentleman outside them.

Sitting opposite of you, he opens his menu and friendly chatter over what to order. You, who didn't hold much appetite at the moment, wanted something light; however, Sangwoo insisted on treating you to a three-course meal. A playful argument and some sexual threats later, you caved and let him order for you much to his delight.

You then made a few unsuccessful attempts at conversation. It would have been easier without all the damned butterflies in your stomach. Sipping your champagne, you hoped to drown them while praying they wouldn't escape as you opened your mouth.

Ten minutes later, when the food still hadn't come out, you cracked. You had to ask. No matter his answer, it had to be better than not knowing right?

Preparing yourself, you leaned forward on the round table. One hand delicately held the champagne glass; the other lay lightly in front if you on the edge of the table. Sangwoo noticed the shift in your body and his eyes greedily took in the sight before him: strapless, skin tight dress; dazzling necklace with matching earrings; basic makeup; and lipstick that perfectly matched your skin tone while making your lips pop out. Even you had to admit that you were a sight to be seen, but that was the point. It gave you the confidence you needed.

“So what is this?” you asked as if it was a casual question without a deeper meaning.

“What's what?” Sangwoo replied, confused like a normal man. Yet you both knew he wasn't anywhere near normal.

“This.” You gesture between you two while sipping your champagne. “Us.”

Sangwoo laughed. He possibly believed you to be joking but you were dead serious. After a few seconds that took and eternity, he stopped. A smile remained on his lips.

“Only friends, of course.”

“Don't forget ‘with benefits.’” you joked along. The laughter that echo around the table did not echo inside your heart.

The hard part was, he acted as if his reply explained everything. As if it solved everything. All it actually did was shatter you inside. “Just friends.” This really had meant nothing to him. Why did you even consider calling him your boyfriend? How could he be so cruel to refer to you as his girlfriend?

“Y/n?” the sound of Seungbae's voice snapped you out of your broken daze. “What's wrong?” The police officer was typically placid if not a bit shy, so you were quite surprised at the firmness in his question even if it was slight.

“Nothing is-”

“Don't lie to me. I can tell something is wrong.” Before you could even respond, he continued, “Is it your boyfriend?”

You gave him a sad smile. “Yeah, it is. I'm just a booty call to him.” Tears brimmed in your eyes as you looked down at your untouched, but very stirred, cup of coffee. It was all an act though. That's how a normal person would react and you only pretended to be normal. The only emotion you actually held was anger. None of it was against Sangwoo though. No, you were angry at yourself for making ties-ties you didn't even consider possible-with him. If you weren't so stupid, you would have never become so vulnerable to those two words from his lips.

Seungbae sat in shock. He clearly didn't like your boyfriend but that wasn't because he thought the man was bad for you or anything. From how highly you spoke of your relationship, he probably assumed it was never going to end. Of course, what you told him of your relationship wasn't always true or accurate.

“Oh,” he managed to get out.

“I don't know what I expected. I mean, we started out as friends then added in benefits. Somewhere along the way we added the titles of 'girlfriend’ and 'boyfriend’ to the other. I didn't realize he….” you drift off, wiping your eyes before continuing, “I’m sorry, I didn't mean to cry.”

“It's fine,” he replied, clearly not able to think of anything else to say.

Silence covered the table. You took your first and small sip from your cup of coffee. It was cold. At one point you had been the same way. Now you weren't sure where you fell.

“So what are you going to do? Did you break up?”

You gave him another sad smile. “I can't break what never was. And… I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do. That scares me the most. Everything keeps telling me I should cut him out of my life, but I don't know if I can anymore. I…” you choked, unable to say it. You finally admitted it to yourself when you walked home the night before; however, it now seemed that all your prior resolve was shattered. “I really care about him. It's stupid, I know.”

Seungbae nodded. There was nothing left to say. What even could he say? Tell you to leave him and fuck your emotions? It was a hard line to walk. Did it even matter if Sangwoo didn't love you as long as you stayed together? If you pretended nothing had changed? Your relationship stayed the same, but your feelings didn't. And with your feelings in front of you, it was clear it did matter. He had to love you back for this dance between you to continue. So was this the end of the ride or a sudden drop to rise again?

You didn't know. You were never used to so many unanswered questions. It was confusing, and overwhelming. You hated it.

Checking your watch, you sighed, breaking the silence suffocating the air. “I have to go to work.” You stood, holding your full cup of cold liquid, and paused. “You mind… if I call you tonight?” You blushed slightly, trying to create an act of innocence despite the dead feeling inside.

“Sure.” He said, trying to hide his surprise: you had never tried to hang or talk outside of coffee. You take his number and walk out the door.

“Bye.”