🍌🍌🍌Think Netflix's SEX EDUCATION, but without the accents, and instead of pictures and sound, I put the words on the screen, and you paint the pictures with your mind.🥒🥒🥒
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Some guys are showers. Some guys are growers. Then there's Peter. He...
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"The average penis is just over five inches in length," Elroy says. "Circumference, or girth, is four inches."
We're at Elroy's lab, which looks like the science labs at school. Except the equipment is newer, there are movie posters on the walls, and there are two capuchin monkeys, one named Colonel Mustard the other named Rita, who may, or may not, be part of psychology experiment involving Skittles and exposure to cartoons. I asked Elroy to explain the monkeys, but after telling me their names and warning me not to feed them Skittles, he launched into a lecture about penis size.
"Of course, these are approximate measures," Elroy continues. "And frankly, we should be using the metric system - that's the scientific standard. But when it comes to penis size, the general public, even in countries that use the metric system, thinks in terms of inches or feet."
"Feet," I gasp.
"Well, I should say foot. There's no such thing as a two-foot penis, at least there's no record of a such a long penis in the medical journals. And in any case, that much length would present certain practical problems."
"Practical problems?"
"Sex, Peter."
"Oh."
"I take it you're still a virgin?" Elroy asks.
The question makes me uncomfortable. I turn away from Elroy and gaze out the window at the main house. Elroy's family is rich, which explains the expensive equipment and the fact that they let their son turn the guest house on their massive estate into a lab. Looking around, part of me wonders why Elroy would even want to cure small dick syndrome? Sure, there's money in it, but it looks like Elroy has money to burn, because I'm pretty sure the monkeys aren't cheap. But another part of me, the part that wins out, wonders if Elroy can really do what he claims?
"It's perfectly normal to be a virgin," Elroy says. "I'm a virgin. Though not from a lack of trying. The reason I ask, Peter, is that if we're going to do this, if we're going to give you a big penis, I need as much data as possible."
"OK."
"That means I need some basic information like height and weight."
"Sure."
"But I also need a sexual history."
"It's a pretty brief history," I say.
"That's fine, there's no judgement here. I'm a man of science."
"OK. But then why do you care if I'm a virgin?"
"I don't care," Elroy says. "It's just data. That might be a meaningless detail. Noise that obscures the signal. Have you read The Signal and the Noise by Nate Silver? It's a fantastic book on data analytics."
