Saving Amaya

Chapter 18

I'm distant for the next couple of days. My mother has that kind of effect of people.

Even as I return to school (again) I don't engage with the people that try and talk to me. Not that there have been many. Since my little fight with Ava, people have been giving me a wide berth. I know what they are all thinking. I know that it's true.

I'm crazy. I'm violent. I'm dangerous.

But, my new vicious identity keeps the murmuring and snide remarks at bay.

I have been keeping to myself more recently. Not really making conversation with anyone, my friends included. Blake hasn't even made much of an attempt to be close to me since our sort of date Saturday. Which is odd. I guess I got used to Blake being around all the time. But he sat with his friends at lunch twice this week and with mine the other half of the time. Like a divorced kid on the weekends, it's like he's trying to split the time between us.

It doesn't bother me that he's pulling away. I get it. Trust me, more than enough people have been telling me recently that I'm too much to handle.

Still, the buzz around school is infectious at the upcoming Homecoming this weekend. The game and parade is tomorrow and the dance is Saturday. There have been cute little signs and flowers all over the place from when couples have been asking each other to the dance. It's sickeningly sweet the way they seem so happy. Laughing, hugging, kissing.

Bleh.

The girls and I have been planning our homecoming together. We even convinced Hannah to come with us, which was by no means an easy feat. In fact, today after school I'm going to the mall with them rather than waiting for Blake's football practice to end.

After my last class, Hannah, Sam, Claire, and I meet in the front of the school to pile into Sam's car.

"The dance is in two days, how do you have nothing!" Claire shakes Sammy's shoulder as we approach her car.

"You know I hate dresses. I've been putting it off for a while now." Sam pushes her glasses up her nose and pouts.

Hannah tilts her head to the side, "Then don't wear a dress."

"Easier said than done. My mom has been on my ass about looking nice for my first school dance."

We groan in understanding. Being seniors and this is the first school dance we have planned on going to is a little odd, especially in our small school. I'm sure the girls' parents are just happy they will be out of the house on a Saturday.

We laugh and mess around during the short drive to the mall. Being with my friends makes me feel better. Less like I've been abandoned by my parents and half of my friends. Less like a total failure and mess.

"I don't know why you're on my case, Hannah. You don't even have a dress for the dance either!" An accusatory finger is pointed at Hannah from Sammy.

I roll my eyes, "She didn't think she was going to the dance until yesterday, dork."

Her eloquent response is sticking her tongue out at me.

The second we walk into the mall, my eyes fall to the pretzel stand. I love pretzels. But for some reason, the thought of eating right now makes my stomach churn. Recently, I've been feeling sick every time I even think about eating. Not that it's all that bad a thing.

Look at me.

While I only have one store in the mall with any clothes made for me, my friends are all sizes that are easily in every store. We start at a store that I've never even walked into because I know there is nothing for me here.