Saving Amaya

Chapter 13

Rochelle cleared me to go back to school, but she advised me to keep staying with Liam and Blake. I kind of told her that whole situation, but I don't think I could explain all of this in a one hour session.

Still, we take the victories we get. I can finally go back to school.

I decided that I really like Rochelle. She's weird, definitely, but she tells it to me straight. We decided that my treatment plan should be focused on my coping skills rather than trying to feel happy. She wants me to be able to recognize when I feel any emotion because she says there are no good and bad emotions.

Rochelle leads me out of the room. When Blake hears us coming, he looks up from his phone with the goofiest look on his face. He looked the same way a dog does waiting for their owner to return.

"I'll see you next week Amaya. It was nice meeting you Blake." With that, Rochelle returns to her office.

"Good?" Blake asks me, holding two thumbs up.

I smile at his adorably earnest action. Blake and Liam try not to ask me if I'm okay because I got sick of telling them I'm fine, so they work around it.

I do feel good. Telling Rochelle about what was happening in my life was like breaking the walls of my dam. Everything came spilling out of my mouth before I could even think to stop it. It felt nice having someone to tell these things to. My whole life I've never had a mom to rant to or a dad to comfort me or even a sister to share with. I still don't have those things, but I do have Rochelle who will listen to me without any judgment. I have Blake and Liam who will literally always be there whether I like it or not. I have Hannah, Ali, Claire, and Sammy that will always be ready to support me. I'm not as alone as I thought I was.

Blake and I had the rest of the day free and I convinced him to take me to the mall so I could go to the bookstore. I have been rereading every book on my shelves since I have had nothing else to do. I need new books and maybe even some new sketchbooks if I'm going to survive. Blake seemed happy enough to take me, although I think he was a little apprehensive.

He probably just didn't want to be seen with me in public. I can't really blame him even if I wanted to because I get it. I don't want to be seen with me either.

During the drive to the mall, we joked around and listened to his music. I never would have expected how much Blake has ingrained himself into my life. The awkwardness from the first couple of days we started living together is all but forgotten. Now it's like we've always been friends.

Every now and again Blake will flirt like he used to and for the most part it brushes right off of me. I try not to think about how he and Liam still insist that they have feelings for me. I've kind of accepted that they may believe they have feelings for me, but it's really just a testosterone driven pissing contest that fuels it. Not an actual attraction to me.

"How many books do you need?" Blake breaks me from my book induced daze by standing closely behind me, his chin resting on my shoulder as he speaks. "You have a whole library in your room."

His chest brushes against my back lightly leaving a tingling sensation in its wake. The small aisle forces Blake to have to press against me as another customer passes by. As they pass, Blake reaches around my body and places his hand on my stomach to pull me into him to conserve the space. Every inch of my body is firmly pressed against his toned figure, reminding me just how different we are. I try not to notice the way my heart beats wildly out of my chest as he holds me so close.

His fingers linger on my torso probably a little longer than necessary, but I can barely notice. My face flushes rapidly, heat rushing through my body as I try to forget the feeling of his closeness against me. I have never been so close to anyone in my entire life outside of the wrestling mat. I never cared how close I was to anyone in wrestling because it wasn't about our bodies against each other, it was about me pinning the opponent down.